You know, the 10 of Wands. That card. Man, it’s one of those that, when it shows up, you just kinda sigh. Not because it’s a bad card, not really, but because it’s a mirror. And what it usually shows me is myself, all hunched over, trying to lug everything under the sun all by myself.
I remember this one time, a few years back now. I was neck-deep in a project at work, trying to get it off the ground. It was a big one, a real beast. I had this idea, see, that if I just put my head down, worked harder than anyone else, I could push it through. I started taking on tasks that weren’t even technically mine. “Oh, that needs doing? I’ll just handle it.” “This part’s lagging? I’ll pick up the slack.” It became a habit, almost a badge of honor, to be the guy who was always available, always willing to do more.
I piled it all on. Developers weren’t hitting their deadlines? I’d jump in and help debug. Marketing needed something written yesterday? I’d crank out copy late into the night. My own actual role got buried under this mountain of “extra” work I’d volunteered for or just absorbed. My days started at like 6 AM, ended at midnight, sometimes later. Weekends? What were those? Just two more days to catch up on what I didn’t finish during the week.
My back literally started hurting. Not from lifting actual wands, obviously, but from sitting hunched over my laptop for hours on end, feeling the weight of all those tasks, all those expectations, most of which I’d put on myself. I remember looking at my reflection in the dark screen late one night and just seeing this tired, beaten-down guy. It hit me then. I was carrying too much. I was literally that person in the 10 of Wands, struggling, almost home, but absolutely exhausted and unable to see past the sticks right in front of my face.
I was so close to finishing the main phase of that project, too. That’s the kicker with that card, right? You’re often right at the finish line, but the load feels heavier than ever. You can almost taste the success, but you’re too damn tired to even enjoy the thought of it. All I wanted was to just drop everything and sleep for a week straight.
The Breaking Point and the “Aha!”
It sounds cliché, but there was a breaking point. I messed up a crucial report because my brain was just fried. A really simple mistake, something I would never have done when I was thinking straight. My boss, who is usually pretty hands-off, pulled me aside. He didn’t yell; he just looked at me and said, “You look like crap, man. What’s going on?”
That was it. Someone actually saw it. I just kinda mumbled something about being busy, but he pushed back, “You’re taking on too much. This isn’t sustainable. You’re trying to do everyone’s job, and you’re not doing your own best work because of it.”
That conversation was my wake-up call, my “aha!” moment about the 10 of Wands. It wasn’t about failing; it was about realizing I was actively sabotaging myself by not letting go. I was holding onto every single one of those wands, not because I had to, but because I felt like I had to prove something.
So, what did I do? It wasn’t an overnight fix, let me tell you. But I started by doing this:
- Identifying the “wands” that weren’t mine: I made a list of every task I was doing. Then, next to each, I wrote down who it should belong to or if it was truly essential for my role.
- Learning to say no, or “not yet”: This was the hardest part. When new requests came in, I started asking, “What’s the priority of this compared to X?” or “Can someone else handle this?” Sometimes it was just, “No, I can’t take that on right now.”
- Delegating, even when it felt scary: There were things I was doing because I thought no one else could do them as well, or as fast. I had to let go of that control freak mentality and trust my team. It was rocky at first, some things took longer, but eventually, everyone stepped up.
- Setting boundaries: I started shutting my laptop at a reasonable hour. I protected my weekends. It felt alien at first, like I was being lazy, but my brain needed the rest.
The project eventually got done, and it was a success. But the real win for me wasn’t the project itself. It was learning that I don’t have to carry every single burden just to prove my worth. The 10 of Wands isn’t just about being overworked; it’s about the choice to finally put some of those burdens down, especially when you’re so close to the finish line. It means you’ve got the strength, you’ve put in the work, but now it’s time to shed the unnecessary load so you can actually step across that line with your head held high, not hunched over and broken.
Now, when I see that card, it’s not a sigh of dread. It’s a reminder. A prompt to check in with myself. “Am I doing it again?” I ask myself. “Am I carrying more than I need to? Is it time to drop some wands?” And usually, the answer is a resounding “Yes.”
