Okay so I’ve been working on my own relationship crap lately, specifically digging into how my Virgo Rising messes with things. Yeah, I got that practical, analytical vibe right on the ascendant. Turns out, it ain’t all sunshine in love land.
The Wake-Up Call
Honestly? My partner sat me down a few months back. She looked kinda nervous. Said something like, “Babe, sometimes talking to you feels like explaining stuff to HR for a payroll error.” Ouch. That stung bad. She explained how I pick apart everything she says, like immediately analyzing her feelings instead of just hearing them. And the nitpicking? Apparently, I do it without even noticing – how she loads the dishwasher, the way she tells a story, tiny irrelevant stuff. She felt constantly judged. Ugh. I hated hearing it, but I knew she was probably right. It was my Virgo Rising laser beam focus gone rogue.
Deciding to Try Fixing My Own Mess
Felt crappy for a day, wallowing. Then the Virgo Rising kicked in… the good part. Time to solve this problem. Me. The problem was me. Started digging, found stuff on Virgo Rising in relationships. Ding ding ding! It was like reading a list of my own annoying habits:
- Over-Analyzing Emotions: Yep, hers and mine. Instead of feeling stuff, I’d dissect it.
- Criticism Overdrive: Seeing the “flaws” in everything, including her choices, even stupid little things.
- High Expectations: Like, stupidly high. Setting us both up to fail without meaning to.
- Difficulty Showing Affection Freely: I’m not big on grand gestures or constant mush. Can feel kinda cold.
- Focusing on Service, Not Emotion: I’d fix the leaky tap or organize her files, thinking that was love. Forgetting the cuddles and “you look amazing” stuff.
Actually Trying to Change (It’s Awkward)
Knowing it’s one thing. Doing it? Way harder.
First up, the analysis paralysis. My experiment? When she talks about a feeling, I literally bite my tongue sometimes. Shut down the brain-computer trying to analyze why she’s sad and just… listen. Hold her hand. Say “That sounds really tough.” Feel awkward? Yeah. But she relaxes more now.
Then, the criticism demon. Brutal. I made a rule: unless it’s genuinely important RIGHT NOW (like, safety important), I ask myself: Does this need saying? Is it helpful? Or is it just my inner critic buzzing? Mostly it’s the buzz. I bite my tongue again. Keeps me busy. Found myself saying “Cool!” or “Nice!” way more about her little choices. Felt fake at first, then less.
Expectations? Man, this one’s deep. Working on actively telling myself: “People aren’t perfect. I’m not perfect. It’s okay.” Trying to appreciate the messy, imperfect moments instead of mentally cataloging what’s “wrong.”
Showing Affection? Baby steps. Set a reminder on my damn phone for the first few weeks: “Compliment partner.” Seriously. “I like your hair today,” or “Dinner was great.” Sounds robotic? For me it kinda was. But she lights up. Now the reminder’s off, I try to catch moments naturally. Still forget. But less.
Service vs. Emotion? I still fix stuff. It’s my language. But now I pair it with the emotion word. “Fixed the wobbly shelf you mentioned. Also, thanks for telling me about your bad day at work – sounded rough. Wanna watch something dumb?” Combining the acts with acknowledging her feelings. Feels more complete.
Where I’m At Now (Not Perfect, But Better)
Is my Virgo Rising gone? Hell no. It’s baked in. But I’m managing the annoying bits. My partner says she feels way less criticized and way more seen. Less like she’s under a microscope. That’s a win. I still over-analyze internally sometimes, but I keep my trap shut more often.
I’m learning my Virgo Rising strengths – the reliability, the listening (when I truly listen), the actual helpfulness – ARE assets in love. But the nitpicky, critical, emotionally-distant crap? That was the baggage dragging me down. Working on dumping it, one awkward compliment and bitten tongue at a time.
