So last month I found this dusty astrology book in my attic, you know the kind – full of charts and planet stuff. Figured hey, as a Virgo I should try actually using that 2017 monthly guide instead of just reading it. Grabbed my coffee and sat down January 2nd thinking “this is it, I’m gonna nail my year!”
Getting Started (The Messy Part)
First problem? That January page said “slow down and reassess goals.” But man, I hate slowing down. My notes looked like:
- Wrote “organize desk” as goal. Desk is still messy.
- Bought pretty journal for tracking. Used it twice.
- Felt super dumb about Mercury Retrograde warnings when my laptop crashed mid-project. Shoulda backed up.
February was worse. The book said “focus on relationships.” My dumb brain heard “send awkward texts to old friends.” Called up college buddy Mike at 11pm rambling about Saturn’s position. He sounded very confused. Book never warned me about that.
The Actual Attempts
Spring rolled around. March said “finances bloom!” Okay fine, I made a budget spreadsheet. Put “astrology savings fund” as line item. April? “Unexpected opportunities!” So I forced myself to say yes to every work call for a week. Mostly got robo-dialers offering duct cleaning. Not exactly cosmic.
Come May, hit a groove finally. Book said “health focus.” Started walking daily. Even tracked water intake for… three whole days! Real Virgo move was color-coding my water bottles like some productivity guru. Felt proud until June rolled in with “ease into summer vibes.” Yeah, right after May’s hustle? Total whiplash. My walks became “strolls to the ice cream truck.”
Throwing in the Towel (Kinda)
By July I was burned out tracking “cosmic energy shifts.” August advice? “Revisit abandoned projects.” Laughed hard looking at my January goals. That unused journal mocked me from the shelf. October said “communication clarity” right when I had huge fight with my sister over holiday plans. Book didn’t cover “how to apologize after blaming Mercury.”
Biggest takeaway? Life don’t fit in twelve neat boxes. That November “career leap” prediction? I quit my job. December advice was “reflect quietly.” Instead I stressed about New Year’s resolutions while eating leftover pie. Felt perfectly imperfect.
So yeah, I “practiced” the whole horoscope. My notebook looks chaotic with scribbles like “March lied about finances” and “Mercury is a troll.” Would I do it again? Probably not. But hey, at least I finished something! Mostly.
