So last week I dragged my ass off the couch and decided to test how useless this weekly Virgo love horoscope stuff is. Saw “Your virgo love horoscope weekly 2015 check what the stars say” floating around online. Figured, heck, why not? Could be good for a laugh, maybe write something honest about it. Here’s how the whole mess went down.
Getting Set Up Like a Chump
First thing Monday morning, still half asleep and sipping coffee that tasted like burnt toast. Opened my laptop, went straight to one of those astrology sites everybody knows but nobody admits they visit. Typed in “2015 weekly Virgo love horoscope” like a total sucker. Felt kinda silly honestly.
- Found the damn thing.
- Read it out loud, even though nobody was listening.
- Printed it out on my cheapo home printer – ink smeared everywhere.
- Tacked the stupid paper up on my fridge next to a coupon for expired pizza.
Living By the Stars (Sorta)
So the horoscope said, and I quote, something about “communication blooming” mid-week for Virgos in love. Wednesday rolls around. My significant other asks what I want for dinner. I put on my best “communicating” face. Said, “Surprise me.” Got takeout Chinese again. Exactly zero blooming felt. Stars: 0, Reality: 1.
Thursday, it mentioned “old connections resurfacing.” Spent the whole day staring at my phone like an idiot. Got one text. It was my mom asking if I’d unclogged the drain yet. Called that resurfacing? More like plumbing reminders. Another star fail.
Friday promised “romantic energy vibes.” Okay. Tried to make it work. Lit a weird-smelling candle leftover from a yard sale. Partner came home tired, grunted, changed into sweatpants, and fell asleep watching reruns. My romantic vibes? Snoring vibes. Definitely not matching the cosmic prediction.
The Grand Wrap-Up (And Major Eye-Roll)
Sunday night came. Sat down with my stupid printout, a pen, and the biggest bottle of cheap wine I could find. Cross-referenced each starry promise with what actually happened in my real, boring, non-astrological week.
- Communication blooming? Nope. Had the usual “What’s for dinner?” chat.
- Old connections? Nope. Just Mom and her clogged drain.
- Romantic vibes? Nope. Sweatpants and snoring.
- Secret admirers? Double nope. Unless you count the cat demanding food.
The whole thing? Felt about as useful as a screen door on a submarine. Did the stars predict anything right? Nope. Not a single dang thing lined up. Was kind of a bummer, actually. Wanted it to be true, maybe? More likely just wanted a good story. Ended up wasting a perfectly good week glancing at the fridge every time I grabbed a beer.
Final thought? It’s easy to see why folks get hooked on these things. Wanting something bigger to guide the mess of dating and relationships? Makes sense. But after actually trying to live by it? Total waste of time. More chance of winning the lottery than finding truth in a generic Virgo love prediction. Tore the damn printout off the fridge Sunday night. Tossed it right in the trash with the takeout boxes.
