So last Tuesday I grabbed Susan Miller’s Virgo horoscope like always, printed it out because squinting at my phone screen gives me headaches. Coffee in hand – extra strong, black – I plopped on my old couch wondering what cosmic advice awaited. First line hit me: “Organize paperwork early this month, dear Virgo.” Ugh. Paperwork. My desk looked like a tornado hit Office Depot.
The Early Month Chaos
Okay, Susan said tackle paperwork, so Wednesday morning I figured I’d try. Dug out tax forms, random bills, that expired coupon for yogurt. Spread everything across the floor. Big mistake. My cat, Luna, decided it was her new playground. Papers flew everywhere. Stacks I’d just made? Gone. She sat triumphantly on my water bill. Susan didn’t warn me about feline interference. Shoved the whole mess into a shoebox labeled “Later.” Failed step one already. So much for cosmic guidance.
Mid-Month Social Push
Next week she wrote, “Networking opportunities arise! Attend events!” My introvert soul groaned. But hey, tried being responsible. Saw a flyer for a local bookstore meet-up – authors and coffee. Sounded quiet. Went last Thursday. Wore my least wrinkled shirt. Walked in… and knew nobody. Stood awkwardly near the cookies. Tried smiling at someone holding a poetry book. They just shuffled away. Drank three cups of lukewarm coffee too fast. Heart raced, palms sweaty. Left after 20 minutes feeling like a total weirdo. Blamed Mercury Retrograde even if Susan didn’t mention it. Ordered takeout and hid under a blanket.
Late Month Decisions Debacle
Final week forecast said “Weigh options carefully before major decisions.” Perfect timing, actually. My decade-old car started making a dying whale noise. Mechanic said, “$$$ or scrap it.” Went down the rabbit hole:
- Research used Toyotas? Check.
- Compare loan rates online? Check.
- Panic about debt? Double check.
Friday came. Needed groceries. Car barely started. Said “screw it,” drove straight to the dealership Susan warned against impulsiveness. Traded the whale-car in 30 minutes flat. Got something shiny. Immediately regretted it halfway home when I remembered insurance costs. Susan might call me an idiot. She’d be right.
So here’s my monthly Virgo report card: Failed paperwork, flunked networking, bombed decision-making. But oddly? Car runs quiet. Bills are… still in the shoebox. And I met that poetry person later in the grocery line – we bonded over expired *’s stars gave chaos. My lazy version kinda worked.
