How I Tested That Virgo Money Forecast
So I’m scrolling through my feed last Monday morning drinking terrible instant coffee when this horoscope post pops up about Virgos and money. Normally I skip this stuff but since Mercury was doing some weird backward dance thing, I figured why not try it? Screenshotted the whole thing like it was some secret treasure map.
Step-by-Step Following Along
First I read where it said “Venus in your finance house means unexpected cash”. Immediately started checking every jacket pocket while saying “show me money” like a lunatic. Found exactly $2.50 in lint-covered coins – felt like winning lottery.
Then the predictions claimed Tuesday was lucky for investments. Decided to test by buying $10 worth of lottery scratchers. Got real intense rubbing off silver stuff with a quarter at 7-Eleven counter while guy behind me sighed loud enough to hear over the AC.
Here’s exactly what happened with lottery tickets:
- First ticket: won $5 – sweet profit! Just like horoscope said
- Second ticket: bust
- Third ticket: got excited seeing “$20” until realizing it was “win $20 IF” – total scam
Final score: invested $10 won $5. Net loss $5. “Unexpected cash” my ass.
The Mercury Retrograde Mess
Thursday part said “avoid big purchases during Mercury confusion”. Perfect timing cause my fridge died. Ignored warning because cold beer > space rocks. Bought scratch-and-dent model for cheap. Got it home – freezer makes sound like choking raccoon. Sales dude won’t return calls now.
Oh! Almost forgot the part where horoscope said “Friday brings money talks with partners”. Cornered my roommate about unpaid pizza money from May. He laughed so hard soda came out his nose. Still owes me $14.75.
What Actually Worked
Only useful tip was “review budgets Sunday night”. Sat with bank app and realized:
- Spent $58 on streaming services nobody watches
- Got charged $12 for gym visits in weeks
- $79 mysterious Amazon charge I never ordered
Canceled everything except that Amazon charge – turns out drunk me ordered fancy dog sweaters. Don’t own dog.
Final Results
Ended week with $27.80 saved from canceled subs and found coins. Lost $20 on freezer gamble and scratchers. But hey, now I’ve got dog sweaters to wear during Mercury retrograde I guess.
Stars gave mixed signals but at least I know this – astrolutely needs more spellcheck.
