Woke up feeling that weird itch to check horoscopes today. Ya know, sometimes you just wanna see what the stars gotta say about love stuff even though your brain tells you it’s probably nonsense. Grabbed my phone while sipping lukewarm coffee – didn’t even finish brewing properly cause I was too eager.
The Whole Process
First I opened that astrology app I downloaded last month during a 2AM bored spell. Scrolled past Libra and Cancer nonsense – straight to Virgo section. Took three taps cause the stupid ads kept popping up. Finally saw the “Daily Love” card looking all shiny with purple glitter effects. Read it out loud like a dork while my cat judged me from the sofa:
Today’s Virgo Love Prediction:
- “Unexpected encounters might spark old feelings”
Thought “yeah right” but weirdly got nervous anyway. Decided to test this junk properly. Wore my lucky socks (the one without holes) and actually brushed my hair before grocery run. Kept eyeballing everyone at Whole Foods like “ARE YOU MY SECRET ADMIRER??” Got some real awkward eye contact with the broccoli guy.
What Actually Went Down
Zero admirers appeared unless you count Mrs. Henderson’s yappy poodle chasing me for my sandwich. Only “unexpected encounter” was running into Mike – my ex from two years ago buying toilet paper. We both pretended not to see each other but clearly did. Almost knocked over a pyramid of canned beans fleeing that aisle. So much for sparkling old feelings – more like heartburn feelings.
Tried the “communicate clearly” advice later when texting this guy from Tinder. Sent him “Hey wanna actually meet or just keep liking my dog pics forever?” Left him on read for four hours. Still counting. My cat’s now sitting on my phone like she’s protecting me from disappointment.
Final Takeaways
The stars either lied or got Virgos mixed up with some other sign. Maybe my crystal ball needs polishing. At least gave me funny stories to tell – Mike’s face seeing me near the toilet paper was priceless. If secret admirers exist they better speak up before I die alone with this judgmental cat.
TL;DR: Stars promised romance, delivered awkward ex encounters and crickets. Still had coffee tho so not a total loss.
