Man, let me tell you, I’ve been reading Tarot for myself for over ten years now. I’ve seen some crazy stuff, but the absolute worst, most gut-wrenching, and confusing readings I ever pulled were always related to one simple question: “How does he/she feel about me?”
I swear, I’d pull a spread ready for some deep revelation, and what did I get? The friggin’ Tower next to the Lovers, followed by the Six of Swords. What in the actual hell does that mean? Is the relationship collapsing, or is he finally moving toward a partnership while feeling completely overwhelmed? Zero clarity. It drove me nuts. I almost gave up on reading for myself altogether because of this single, persistent question. It just felt like the deck was messing with me, spitting out random garbage that reflected my own anxiety, not the truth.
This went on for months, maybe a year. Every time I had a crush or some kind of weird, undefined situation with a guy—which, let’s be honest, was often—I’d go straight to the cards. And every single time, I walked away more confused than when I started. It was like I was paying my deck in energy just to tell me to guess again. I was trapped in this cycle of pulling cards, not trusting them, shuffling, and pulling again, hoping for a “better” answer, which only ever resulted in a chaotic mess of cards that mirrored my spiraling panic.
The real breaking point was with this dude, let’s call him Jay. We were hooking up, but his texts were all over the place. Hot one day, ice cold the next. I was losing my mind trying to figure out if he was genuinely into me or just hitting me up when his main plan fell through. I spent a whole damn weekend locked in my apartment, doing reading after reading. My notebook pages looked like a war zone. I had pulled maybe fifty cards on Jay over two days. The answers were contradictory; I had Kings of Pentacles (commitment) and Fours of Swords (rest/avoidance) right next to each other. It was pointless noise. I seriously almost threw my favorite deck against the wall. That’s when the switch flipped.
I stopped treating it like I was talking to an all-knowing oracle and started treating it like I was debugging a bad program. The problem wasn’t the deck; the problem was my damn input, my question structure. I decided to run an experiment. I forced myself to stop asking the immediate, emotional question and focus on the mechanics of the reading.
The Practice: Debugging My Questions
I started a new journal. This wasn’t about the answer anymore; it was about the action. For every reading, I logged three things:
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The Exact Question I Asked (verbatim, even the stupid ones).
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The Card Spread Result (the actual cards).
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What the Cards Revealed About My Question’s Flaw (The key insight, the “bug”).
After a few weeks of this brutal self-analysis, the pattern hit me like a ton of bricks. My questions were controlling, passive, and totally focused on a binary outcome. It was the same fundamental garbage logic I use in real life when I’m feeling insecure. The cards were just mirroring my chaotic energy, not giving me a clear answer on Jay’s feelings, because my question was a mess to begin with. The deck can’t give you a clear direction if you’re standing at a three-way intersection yelling “Go!”
I filtered all those disastrous sessions and boiled it down to the five main mistakes I had been making. If you are struggling with “how someone feels” readings, chances are you are pulling the same crap I was.
Avoid These 5 Question Mistakes (Get the True Answer)
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Mistake 1: The “Binary Trap.”
You ask: “Does he like me? Yes or No?” No. Life isn’t a damn coin flip. Feelings aren’t Yes/No. A King of Swords means clarity but coldness; an Eight of Cups means avoidance. Neither is a simple “yes.” Ask open-ended: “What is the energy between us right now?”
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Mistake 2: The “Psychic Prediction Trap.”
You ask: “Will we be exclusive next month?” Stop trying to predict the precise timeline of future events! The Tarot shows the current energy driving a situation. You get wishy-washy future cards because the energy hasn’t stabilized yet. Focus on the now: “What current dynamic is influencing our potential?”
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Mistake 3: The “Mind-Reading Trap.”
You ask: “Why did he suddenly stop texting?” You’re asking the deck for a deep psychological motive or for information that belongs entirely inside someone else’s head. The Tarot shows us observable energy and action. Ask instead: “What action can I take to clarify the situation?”
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Mistake 4: The “Control Freak Trap.”
You ask: “What does Jay need to change to be the man I want?” Hello, narcissist much? The reading is about your sphere of influence. Tarot is a tool for self-reflection and personal action. The second you try to control another person’s mind through the cards, the answer will be confusing noise, reflecting your controlling energy. The best question is always: “What part of my energy or expectation is blocking the truth?”
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Mistake 5: The “Repeat Offender Trap.”
You ask the same question five times in an hour, just rephrased. You already got the answer (or lack thereof), but you didn’t like it. Pulling again just shows your insecurity and doubt, and the cards, being a mirror to your subconscious, will simply throw back more chaotic, muddled cards to match your agitated state. Put the damn deck down for 24 hours. The true answer only appears when the urgency is gone.
Once I forced myself to only ask open-ended questions focused on my next move—”What is the healthiest way for me to approach Jay right now?”—the noise disappeared. The answers became clear, often brutal, but absolutely truthful. It stopped being about Jay’s feelings, which I couldn’t control, and started being about my behavior and where I was stuck, which I could control. Just like that time I spent ages trying to force a computer system to do something it wasn’t designed for, I was doing the same with my deck. I stopped demanding comfort from the cards and started demanding the truth. That’s the only way to get a real answer.
