Man, I have to tell you about the last few months. It was a complete mess. You know that feeling when you just can’t breathe? Like you’re constantly holding your stomach muscles tight and waiting for the next bad thing to drop? That was me. For almost a year, I was stuck in this job, right? It wasn’t even the workload; it was the vibe. Everything was toxic.
I mean, literally, it felt like I was wearing a cheap, heavy chain every morning when I walked through the door. I told myself it was fine. The pay was okay, the commute wasn’t terrible, but inside, I was absolutely rotting. Every day was the same tired routine: wake up dreading it, go in and pretend to be busy, come home exhausted and too wired to sleep. My free time was spent staring at the ceiling, thinking about how I was wasting my life. Total Devil card energy, you know?
I tried everything to fix it internally. I read the self-help books. I did the deep breathing exercises. I even started jogging, which I hate, just to burn off the stress. None of it worked because the source of the problem was external, but I was so scared to admit that I had to just walk away. It’s hard to pull the trigger on stability, even if that stability is making you miserable.
The Moment I Drew the Reversed Devil
I’ve been playing with Tarot for a while now, just for fun and maybe a little guidance, nothing heavy. But this particular day, I was so low I couldn’t even manage to make a proper sandwich. I just plopped down and thought, “Alright, let’s just see what the universe has to say about this crap situation.” I shuffled the deck really fast, all sloppy, just wanting it to be over.
I pulled one card. Only one. And when I flipped it, there it was: The Devil, upside down.
It sounds dramatic, but I actually laughed. Not a happy laugh, but one of those relieved, slightly hysterical chuckles. I knew the upright card meant bondage, addiction, being trapped by material things or fear. But reversed? That’s freedom. That’s breaking the chains. That’s realizing the chains were always made of thread and you just needed to tug a little to break them.
That card screamed at me. It didn’t say, “Wait it out.” It didn’t say, “Try a new meditation technique.” It straight-up said, “Dumbass, the door is open. Why are you still sitting there?”
The Practice of Breaking Free
Seeing that reversed card wasn’t the solution, but it was the permission slip I needed. It validated the feeling that I wasn’t just being dramatic; I was actually stuck. So, I started the process right there, and it wasn’t clean or spiritual—it was just messy action.
The whole process took about two weeks. This is what I did:
- I immediately stopped checking work emails on my phone after 5 PM. The urge to check was strong, almost like an addiction, but I forced myself to leave the phone in the kitchen.
- I started keeping a small notebook. I wasn’t writing down goals or feelings. I was writing down every single frustrating, toxic thing someone did or said at work. Just a simple log. Reading it back, I finally saw the pattern of manipulation and negativity, and it stopped feeling like “my fault.”
- I pulled out my old resume. It was dusty. I updated it quickly, not even trying to perfect it. Just getting it out there was an act of defiance.
The biggest step, though, was when I finally marched into the office and gave notice. That particular conversation was ugly, full of guilt-tripping and attempts to make me feel small. But honestly, I didn’t care. I just kept seeing that upside-down Devil card in my head. The chains were off, and they couldn’t put them back on.
The New Beginning
The few weeks after leaving were weird. I had that initial panic—no income, what have I done? But what replaced the constant low-level dread was this massive wave of silence and peace. Suddenly, the world felt open again.
I started working on a few small projects I’d wanted to do forever—stuff that actually used my brain in a way that felt good, not just draining. I talked to people who I hadn’t had the energy to call in months. My relationships instantly got better because I wasn’t bringing that heavy, trapped energy home with me every night.
It turns out the biggest trap wasn’t the job itself; it was my fear of what would happen if I left it. The Reversed Devil is just a little reminder that you are the one holding the key. You always were. You just have to decide to use it.
I got a new gig not long after, something completely different and much better suited. Less money initially? Yeah, maybe. But the quality of life jumped up about fifty points. I’m breathing again. And it all started with a sloppy draw and an upside-down reminder that I was already free.
