April hit me like a pile of wet laundry, you know? That Virgo energy was buzzing even before the month started. So I grabbed my planner—the one with the slightly chewed corner thanks to my cat—and flipped to April. Right there, staring at me: “Organize your chaos before the chaos organizes you.” Okay universe, point taken.
The Mercury Retrograde Prep
First thing? Saw that Mercury Retrograde warning starting April 5th. Panic-cleaned my desk. Seriously. Found three dead pens, a receipt from 2023, and a mystery USB drive. Backed up EVERYTHING. Phone, laptop, even those cat pics from 2022. Felt smug… until April 6th. My coffee maker short-circuited. Spilled cold brew all over my “organised” tax documents. Classic Mercury. Spent the morning blotting papers and muttering Virgo curses. Should’ve backed up the coffee maker too.
Venus Hitting Pisces on the 12th
The horoscope said “Softness is your superpower.” Laughed. Me? Soft? Pfft. On the 11th, my neighbor’s kid kicked a soccer ball through my basil plant. Saw red. Started marching over ready to unleash Virgo precision criticism… then remembered the advice. Took a breath. Grabbed duct tape instead. Helped him patch the ball. Kid looked shocked. Later? His mom dropped off fresh basil. Felt weirdly… warm. Huh. Maybe softness kinda works.
Saturn’s Reality Check on the 20th
Ah, Saturn. Always the fun police. Horoscope screamed: “Face the budget beast!” Ignored it like expired yogurt. Avoided my banking app for days. Then the 20th hit. Realised I’d double-paid a streaming service for SIX MONTHS. Sat down, opened spreadsheets (felt like therapy), and did The Thing:
- Tracked every coffee bought in April (it was shameful)
- Cancelled two subscriptions I forgot existed
- Set up alerts for bills – felt like adulting bootcamp
Ended the day drinking cheap tea instead of lattes. Saturn wins. Again.
The Wrap-Up
Honestly? The advice worked… mostly. Forgot the “rest” bit. Burnt out by the 28th, ate cereal for dinner watching cat videos. Typical Virgo – nail the details, flop the basics. But hey, survived April without completely crumbling. Calling that a win. Now… where’s that May horoscope? Gotta prep.
