Okay so listen up, gotta share this thing me and my partner messed up and how we finally kinda fixed it. Both of us hit this brick wall in bed, real frustrating. Me a Libra, wanting that connection, everything smooth and chill. My partner? Total Virgo. Got that brain firing off every second, super practical, overthinking every tiny noise or move. Total disconnect.
The Damn Problem Started Right Here
First, the stuff driving us both nuts. I’m over here wanting more, trying things, leaning in for kisses… feel like I’m talking to a wall sometimes. Virgo partner? Getting super quiet, pulling back, just locking down. Like, one foot out the door mentally the whole time. The mood? Gone. Zero. Silence like a damn tomb.
I started thinking it was me, maybe lost the spark? Partner started getting annoyed, said I wasn’t “logical” enough. Ha! Logic in bed? Really? We tried ignoring it, hoping it just vanish. Yeah, right. Only got worse. Started avoiding intimacy altogether, bad news.
What We Actually Screwed Up Doing
Our first moves were trash, let’s be honest.
- Talking only during fights: Like after things got bad. Raised voices, blaming each other. “You never listen!” “You’re never present!” Pointing fingers fixed nothing.
- Demanding changes right away: “Just stop overthinking!” or “Just be more open!” Like it was a light switch. Didn’t work. Shocker.
- Trying “surprise” moves: Figuring sudden passionate thingy would fix it. Usually just confused Virgo partner more. Awkward silence followed.
- Pretending it was fine: “Everything’s good!” when it clearly wasn’t. Built up resentment fast.
Finally Finding Stuff That Kind Of Worked
Got desperate enough to stop the stupid stuff.
Step 1: Fought the urge to blame. Instead of “You always…”, tried “When this happens in bed, I feel…”. Made the vibe way less hostile.
Step 2: Set up cheat sheets. Seriously. Found out Libra me needs reassurance beforehand. Virgo partner needed structure, talking outside the bedroom. Like, planned pillow talk.
- Pre-Game Talks: Not even sexy stuff, just “What feels okay tonight? Anything stressing you?”. Let Virgo process ahead of time. Made them way less stuck in their head when things started.
- Libra needs feedback: Learned to ask straight up “Does this feel okay?” instead of sulking.
- Virgo needs a damn roadmap: Started saying simple things like “Want to try just kissing tonight?” or “Thinking about X later?”. Helped Virgo brain relax instead of guessing.
Step 3: Dialed it way back. Stopped trying to fix everything overnight. Focused just on hanging out together without pressure. Chilling, talking nonsense, cuddling just because. Forgot to do that before. Actually felt good.
Step 4: Put the phones DOWN. Both guilty. Made a rule – absolutely no phones if we even thought bed might happen. Huge difference. Virgo partner stopped mentally writing grocery lists.
Where We’re At Now (Not Perfect, But Better)
Look, still work. Ain’t magic. But things started changing.
- Virgo initiates more: Because the pressure’s off. Less “performance”, more just being.
- Libra chilled out: Got better at giving space and not taking the quiet moments as rejection.
- Laughing happens: Instead of walking on eggshells. Miscommunication used to cause fights, now we sometimes laugh about it after.
- Talking, not fighting: Using the “I feel” thing outside the heat of the moment helps.
Biggest thing? It stopped feeling like some huge cosmic mismatch mess and started feeling like just… us figuring stuff out. Takes effort, gotta be honest and drop the defensiveness. But damn, worth the trouble.
