Man, gotta be honest with you guys – I almost skipped this astrology stuff assignment. Love horoscopes? For Virgos? In 2024? Seriously? But hey, commitment’s commitment. Grabbed my cold coffee this morning and mumbled “fine, let’s get this over with” before slumping into my squeaky chair.
The Half-Assed Research Phase
Started poking around like usual, clicking here and there. Most sites just spat out same old vague junk like “Virgos will find deeper connections this year” – wow, revolutionary stuff. Yawned so hard I almost choked. Needed real people examples to make this clickbait mess bearable.
Reached out to three Virgo friends:
- Jen: Recently dumped her lazy boyfriend after his PlayStation became their third wheel. Felt that “deeper connection” prediction was total bullcrap.
- Mark: Got ghosted after two dates by someone whose birth chart was “compatible” according to an app. His exact words? “Astrology’s just snake oil for lonely hearts.”
- My wife’s cousin’s roommate (yes, really): Claimed Mercury retrograde wrecked her Tinder matches last month. Sent me eight voice notes about cosmic signs. Uninstalled Tinder after that call.
Forcing Myself to Write
Cracked knuckles and opened a blank doc. Wrote the title first since I hate staring at emptiness. Predictions? Made ’em practical:
- Q1: You’ll waste hours overthinking texts from people who won’t remember your birthday
- Summer: Small chance you’ll meet someone normal at a coffee shop if you look up from your phone
- December: Either cry over exes or eat pie alone watching Netflix. Flip a coin.
Paused to Google how much therapy costs versus buying crystals online. Spoiler: both drain wallets faster than dating apps. Jotted down budget tips too – Virgos like organizing receipts anyway, right?
Publishing & Immediate Regret
Posted it an hour ago with a shrug. Already got two comments:
- “Finally an HONEST horoscope!”
- “How dare u disrespect Mercury??” followed by a prayer emoji chain
My takeaway?
Love predictions are like expired coupons – might look promising until you try using them. Spent five hours writing this instead of fixing my leaky sink. Priorities? Yeah, nah.
Shoulda just shared cat memes. At least those make people smile without blaming planets for bad dates.
Gonna eat cold pizza now while ignoring my own love life suggestions. Virgos this year? Proceed with snacks and low expectations. Good luck out there.
TLDR: Wrote horoscope junk. People argued online. Felt like yelling “it’s made up, y’all!” but remembered my paycheck. Stupid stars.
