So I was sitting around wondering about my love life this month, you know how Virgos overthink everything? Grabbed my laptop around 7 AM still in pajamas and headed straight to *. Needed coffee first though—tripped over the dog bowl splashing cold brew everywhere. Typical Monday.
What Actually Went Down
Scrolled past those annoying pop-ups begging for birth times. Seriously, who remembers their exact birth minute? Just gave ’em my basic deets: September 10th, 1990, Chicago. Site spat out a whole novel called “Virgo Monthly Love: What to Expect This Month Right Now”. Felt like reading a fortune cookie wrapped in glitter.
Three things it insisted would happen:
- “Communication breakthroughs” with past flames (ugh, Dave from 2018? Hard pass)
- “Unexpected sparks” around mid-month (hopefully not another Tinder disaster)
- “Deep emotional alignment” after the 24th (whatever that means)
My Ridiculous Experiment
Decided to actually try their advice. Day 1: Texted my ex Dave “Hey stranger” like the stars suggested. He replied asking if I still had his juicer. Blocked him immediately. Fail.
Mid-month went to Lisa’s rooftop party. Forced myself to chat up some graphic designer dude (Saturn’s in his 5th house or something?). We bonded over bad nachos. Then he started explaining blockchain. Told him I suddenly remembered my cat’s dental appointment.
After the 24th? Tried “deep emotional alignment”. Lit candles, played whale sounds, spilled wax all over my rug. Boyfriend walked in asking why the apartment smelled like burnt honey. We ordered pizza instead.
Real Talk
Look, this astrology stuff’s just entertainment. Virgo season’s always like this—promises romance but delivers chaos. That graphic designer slid into my DMs yesterday though. Might grab tacos with him next week, no whale music involved.
Final takeaway:
- Horoscopes are like traffic predictions
- Actual humans are messy as hell
- Still worth screenshotting for group chats
