So this morning I was scrolling through my phone while chugging coffee, you know, like always. Saw ELLE’s latest Virgo horoscope pop up and thought, “Huh, might as well see what the stars have in store this month.” Grabbed my ancient tablet – thing takes forever to wake up – and finally pulled up the article.
First Impressions & Key Stuff
Right off the bat, it starts talking about Jupiter doing some major moving in Taurus. Apparently it’s messing with Virgo’s financial zone? Or something. Honestly, sometimes the planet names just blur together. But whatever, it said something about unexpected income sources popping up mid-month. Filed that under “maybe, but probably not.”
Then it hit me with the KEY DATES section:
- Sept 4th-6th: “Deep conversations lead to breakthroughs.” Marked that in my phone calendar with a little question mark emoji. My version of “breakthrough” is usually just getting the dishwasher unloaded.
- Sept 14th: A “new moon in Virgo.” Big energy, it says. Perfect for goals. Honestly, my goal that day is likely just surviving my kid’s soccer practice without forgetting the snacks again.
- Sept 22nd: Mercury goes weird. Backs up or whatever. Warns about tech going haywire and arguments. Immediately mentally scheduled backup for my laptop. Definitely not arguing with anyone that week if I can help it.
The Whole “What’s Ahead” Part
This bit dragged on. Lots of fluff about “embracing change” and “listening to intuition.” Snore. Scanned faster until it mentioned relationships around the 20th-25th. Said Venus does… a thing… making social connections smoother. Made note to actually call back that friend I’ve been ignoring texts from for weeks. Maybe the stars guilt-tripping me works better than my own conscience.
Then it wrapped up with typical feel-good stuff: “Harness Virgo’s practical energy!” “Organize your space!” Looked around my chaotic desk stacked with half-empty coffee mugs and shrugged. Organized a single drawer later. Baby steps. Cosmic advice achieved.
Whole thing took maybe 20 minutes? Mostly speed-reading past the overly poetic planetary descriptions. Saved the key dates, chuckled at the idea of “unexpected income,” and went back to my cold coffee and overflowing inbox. Real life waits for no horoscope, apparently. Got the dates, took the warnings about tech and arguments seriously, ignored the rest. Usual Virgo pragmatism kicking in.
