So this morning I noticed my usual coffee tasted kinda off – like my oat milk expired yesterday or something. Totally felt like one of those days where Mercury retrograde nonsense might actually be real. Grabbed my phone thinking “alright fine universe, show me what you got” and pulled up that Virgo weekly tip thing everybody keeps sharing.
Step 1: The Basic Prep Stuff
First thing they said? “Clean your workspace before diving in.” Honestly rolled my eyes so hard. My desk looked like a tornado hit it – sticky notes everywhere, three empty mugs, biscuit crumbs all over my keyboard. But whatever. Took twenty minutes dumping old papers and wiping everything down with that vinegar spray under the sink. Felt like doing chores for a ghost who cares about feng shui.
Step 2: Dealing With The Star Power Nonsense
Next part claimed Virgos should “break big tasks into small digestible chunks today to unlock potential.” Bruh. My to-do list had stuff like:
- “Fix quarterly budget spreadsheet” (cursed Excel)
- “Reply to 37 unread work emails” (pure dread)
- “Call plumber about sink leak” (three weeks overdue)
So I literally chopped ’em up like salad:
Budget Thing: 1) Open file 2) Don’t cry 3) Fix column B only
Emails: 1) Answer five before lunch 2) Five more after coffee
Sink Trauma: 1) Find plumber’s number 2) Actually dial 3) Speak words
The Actual Voodoo Part
Here’s where I almost quit. Said to “use grounding energy crystals” or some mumbo jumbo. Ain’t got no crystals unless you count salt crystals from last week’s pretzels. BUT I did have this dumb smooth river rock my kid gave me from the park. Slapped that bad boy next to my laptop like a paperweight. Called it my “dollar store star power booster.”
No Way This Works…Right?
Plowed through all the mini-tasks by 3 PM. Budget sheet only half exploded. Called the plumber while chewing gum so I wouldn’t sound stressed. Even replied to those last five emails with something besides “ugh.” Noticed I felt less frantic? Like hitting every red light doesn’t ruin your whole day now. Might be the rock placebo effect. Might be because I scheduled breathing breaks. Either way…
Big realization: All I did was trick my Virgo brain into seeing messes as bite-sized puzzles instead of avalanches. Nothing magical, just… organized the chaos. Still think horoscopes are mostly silly. But hey – I’ll take a functional Tuesday. My star power? A clean desk and numbered sticky notes. Give me that over Mercury’s drama any day.
