So last Tuesday I was cleaning out my closet, right? Found this dusty Edgar Allan Poe tarot deck I bought years ago during some midnight online shopping spree. Figured since it’s Halloween season, why not actually learn to use the damn thing.
The Unboxing Disaster
First things first – ripped open the box like a kid at Christmas. Cards felt weird, kinda sticky. Turns out I’d stored ’em next to a leaky bottle of cough syrup. Great start. Spent an hour wiping each card with a damp cloth while listening to “The Raven” on loop. Felt appropriate.
My First Attempt at Reading
Sat cross-legged on my rug at 11 PM with zero preparation. Grabbed a raven feather I’d picked up (real or fake? no clue) as a makeshift pointer. Shuffled clumsily – dropped half the deck. Chose a simple three-card spread: Past, Present, Future.
- Past card: The Tell-Tale Heart. Felt obvious – that thing I regret but can’t stop thinking about? Yeah.
- Present card: The Pit and the Pendulum. Nailed it. Felt trapped between deadlines.
- Future card: The Cask of Amontillado. Bricked-up walls? Panicked for five solid minutes.
Interpretation was a total mess. Googled meanings, mixed ’em with Poe’s actual stories like a lunatic salad. Conclusion: I’d either get fired or buried alive. Not helpful.
How I Actually Learned
Stuck the guidebook under my coffee maker to flatten it next morning. Actually read it this time:
- Tip #1: Forget traditional tarot meanings. The Raven isn’t “new beginnings” – it’s obsessive thoughts or bad news.
- Tip #2: Focus on Poe’s story vibes. The Masque of Red Death? Excess leading to downfall, duh.
- Tip #3: Use the spookiness. Dark decks need dim lighting and dramatic pauses.
Practiced pulling one card daily for my cat. “The Black Cat” card came up when he knocked over my plant. Poe knew.
Making It Work for Me
Stopped trying to be mystical. Started relating cards to real crap:
- “The Fall of the House of Usher” = Toxic relationships crumbling
- “The Purloined Letter” = Hidden motivations at work
Used ’em for writing prompts, bad date analysis – even decided against buying moldy cheese when “Premature Burial” popped up. Practical witchcraft.
My Crappy Reading Method Today
Here’s what works for me now:
- Shuffle until a card literally jumps out (happens more when I’m stressed).
- Stare at the art first. What gut feeling hits? Dread? Amusement?
- Match it to whatever Poe nightmare it represents. Annabel Lee? Lost love vibes.
- Scream “Nevermore!” if stuck. Seriously helps.
It’s messy, but so’s life. Been using this deck to avoid bad decisions ever since. Mostly.
Crow caws outside Gotta go check my Amontillado supply now. You know. Just in case.
