So yesterday I’m scrolling through my favorite astrology site when that Virgo monthly update pops up. Figured I’d take notes since I’m a September baby myself. Grabbed my beat-up notebook – the one with coffee stains on page 37 – and started dissecting that forecast like last week’s grocery receipts.
The Love Stuff
Saw it said stop overanalyzing every text message. Honestly felt called out because just that morning I’d spent 20 minutes decoding whether Sarah’s “K” meant she was mad or just busy. Next day when she canceled dinner plans, instead of writing a novel in my head about why, just replied “No worries!” like the horoscope suggested. Damned if she didn’t reschedule herself an hour later with concrete plans.
- Applied the “ask direct questions” tip at Thursday’s happy hour
- Actually told Mark the bartender his eyes looked amazing in that lighting
- Got his number AND a free Old Fashioned out of it
Money Moves
Now the cash flow section had me sweating. That part about auditing recurring payments? Logged into PayPal and found three subscriptions for apps I haven’t opened since 2021. Felt like an idiot cancelling that $4.99/month cloud storage for my old Samsung. The real kicker was the prediction about delaying big purchases until the 18th. Almost bought those wireless headphones Tuesday but waited. Friday they went on 30% flash sale.
Ended up making a physical “impulse buy jar” like the horoscope hinted. Every time I want random crap like fancy protein powder, cash goes in there instead. Three weeks in and there’s $87 sitting in that mason jar grinning at me.
Weird Validation
Most surreal moment came last Tuesday. Was avoiding office gossip per the horoscope’s warning when Brenda from accounting tried dragging me into drama about the boss. Politely ducked out to “check printer supplies.” Next day Brenda got chewed out for spreading rumors while I was safely sipping coffee in my cubicle. Almost made me believe in Mercury retrograde.
Still not 100% sold on astrology but can’t argue with results. Saved money, avoided awkward situations, and Mark’s taking me hiking this weekend. Pro tip though – skip generic horoscopes. Find ones written specifically for men unless you want relationship advice involving “goddess energy” and scented candles.
