Ok so last week I got this Astro Velida app everyone keeps talking about on my feed. Figured I’d try it since the Virgo week stuff popped up. Download was smooth, but setting up an account? Ugh. Typed my birth date wrong twice like an idiot. Third time’s the charm, right?
Actually Opening The Thing
First thing I noticed? So. Many. Push notifications. Nope. Straight to settings and turned those off. Annoying. Scrolled through the main page – kinda messy, honestly. Found the “Weekly Horoscope” section buried under some cheesy moon graphic.
- Clicked Virgo. Obviously.
- It loaded… slow. Like, made coffee slow.
- Saw this big headline: “Virgo – Mercury’s Got Your Back!”. Felt oddly specific.
What It Actually Said
The app spat out paragraphs. My eyes glazed over at first. Started reading properly:
- “Focus on details this week!” Well, duh. Always gotta clean up messes other people make.
- “Perfect time to organize that closet!” Seriously? My closet was already color-coded last Tuesday.
- “Communication is golden, Virgo! Speak up!” Tried that Tuesday. Got told I was being ‘too nitpicky’. Typical.
Honestly? It felt like generic Virgo stuff. “Be organized, be helpful, communicate.” Groundbreaking. But then there was this bit about “solving problems others miss because of your sharp eye.” Felt a tiny bit seen, I guess? Filed that away for the next work meeting.
The App Stuff They Don’t Tell You
Tried the “deeper analysis” button. Locked behind a “Premium” paywall. Of course it was. Noped right out of that. Checked the “daily tips” section – mostly fluffy garbage like “Drink more water, Virgo!”. Helpful.
Overall experience? Kinda clunky. Got the Virgo messages they promised, sure. Was it “life-changing”? Nah. Did it remind me maybe, maybe, this week was a good time to actually schedule that dentist appointment I’ve been putting off? Yeah, alright. Because it mentioned “taking practical action on neglected tasks.” Fine, Velida. You win this round.
Would I pay for it? Hell no. Free version? Maybe peek once a week if I’m bored. Virgo benefits? Felt less like cosmic luck and more like a slightly annoying to-do list app telling me to do things I was gonna do anyway.
