So I woke up Wednesday feeling like total garbage – back hurt, eyes burning from staying up late scrolling TikTok. Saw some astrology account talking about Virgo health stuff this month and thought “what the hell, let’s try that dumb horoscope crap for once.”
Phase one: Actually reading the tips
Opened my phone while brushing teeth, toothpaste dripping everywhere. Tips were stupid simple stuff:
Drink water right after waking up (made me pee immediately)
15-min morning stretches (my cat attacked my feet during downward dog)
Journal one health win daily (I can’t even find pens half the time)
No screens 1hr before bed (seriously?)
My trashy execution
Day 1 was a disaster:
- Chugged two glasses water – peed 3 times before 10am meetings
- Tried stretching – pulled hamstring reaching for coffee mug
- Wrote journal entry: “Didn’t die today. Win.”
- Failed no-screens rule hard – watched entire season of trashy reality show till 2am
Almost quit Thursday when alarm went off early for stretches. My bed felt like a damn magnet. But remembered I’d look like a hypocrite if my followers saw me bail.
Turning point (sorta)
Friday something clicked after my third pee break:
- Actually enjoyed the quiet during stretches – noticed birds singing outside
- Bought dollar store notebook for journaling – wrote “Drank water without spilling on keyboard”
- Put phone across room at night – read old Stephen King paperback instead
Realized the stupid water thing stopped my 11am caffeine crashes. Weird.
Where I’m at now
Been two weeks:
- Still hate mornings but less groggy
- Journal has dumb entries like “Didn’t bite nails during Zoom call”
- Actually sleeping through nights (weird dreams though)
Biggest surprise? My lower back stopped hurting. Probably from less slouching over screens at midnight. Still mess up sometimes – caught myself Instagram-stalking exes at 1am last Tuesday. But overall? Not bad for some random internet horoscope tip.
