So back in early 2017, I saw my Virgo horoscope screaming about career breakthroughs. Decided to actually test it out since my job felt stale. Grabbed a notebook and scribbled “Promotion Plan” like a crazy person.
The Game Plan
Started simple: obsessively tracking all my work. Made a spreadsheet logging every project finish time, extra hours, even coffee runs for the team. Noticed my boss kept complaining about messy reports – bam! Spent three nights turning quarterly data into color-coded dashboards nobody asked for. Just left it on his chair with sticky note “Thought this might help.”
- Volunteered for terrible shifts – took all holiday coverage slots while smiling like a maniac
- Bribed the IT guy with homemade cookies to “accidentally” forward praise emails from clients to management
- Wore slightly nicer shoes every Tuesday (promotion days happened on Wednesdays, wanted fresh impressions)
The Awkward Part
Mid-year our CFO visits. Horoscope said “network strategically” so I memorized his LinkedIn hobbies. Cornered him at coffee machine babbling about fly fishing for 10 minutes while he just wanted caffeine. Got written up for harassment later – still worth it when he remembered me at bonus season.
When Shit Went Down
October rumors spread about departmental cuts. Panicked and did two things:
- Started arriving 2 hours early “to beat traffic” (read: strategically placed reports on empty desks)
- Learned basic Python to automate colleagues’ tedious tasks – became human Excel function overnight
The Twist Nobody Expected
Promotion letter came December 12th… along with news my entire team dissolved in restructuring. Became “Senior Specialist” managing ghost projects while hunting internal transfers. Moral? Got the damn title bump but spent 2018 photocopying my own resignation letters. Virgos should really demand horoscope refunds sometimes.
