How This Mess Started
Back in July 2017, I was having a hell of a time finding work. Bills piling up, zero callbacks – total nightmare. Saw some Virgo career horoscope thing floating around for August. Normally I’d laugh, but desperate times, right? Figured, screw it, let’s try this cosmic advice garbage. Printed that sucker out and slapped it on my fridge like it was gospel.
What That Horoscope Said & What I Actually Did
The main points screamed at Virgos like me for August:
- “Network aggressively!” My awkward self hates that word. But okay. Dug out ancient LinkedIn login, sent “Hey remember me?” messages to like 30 people I barely knew from past gigs. Felt phony as hell.
- “Polish your skills!” Spent a whole sweaty weekend watching boring online videos about spreadsheets and “proactive synergy.” Still dunno what synergy is.
- “Seize unexpected opportunities!” Was ready to jump at anything.
How It Actually Went Down
First week of August? Crickets. Seriously debated throwing that printout away. Then this sketchy “Marketing Guru” slides into my DMs – “Hey, saw your hustle! Let’s connect!” Blew my mind – is the horoscope magic?!
Met the guy at this dodgy coffee shop. Gave me this whole spiel about a “ground-floor digital venture.” Needed someone “detail-oriented like a Virgo” to handle “client relations.” Translation: calling people to sell junk. Signed up anyway because rent was due. Big mistake.
Spent two weeks getting yelled at by strangers over the phone for $9/hour. Boss man changed my schedule daily, “seizing unexpected opportunities” meant working Sundays last minute. Horoscope said “focus on details” so I double-checked the stupid call sheets until my eyes bled.
The Final Nail & The Cosmic Joke
Late August? “Guru” ghosts me. Stopped answering calls, locked the office. Found out from a co-worker (another poor sucker) he just vanished. Paychecks bounced. Hard. That “best month ever” felt like getting kicked repeatedly.
Learned one thing the hard way: Joke was on me. No star alignment fixes desperation. That horoscope got me hustling, yeah, but right into a scam. Real opportunities came later, pure dumb luck and grinding, zero planets involved. Still keep that crumpled printout though – reminder to never trust vague sky-advice over common sense.
