So I totally started seeing this Virgo guy last month after matching on a dating app. Look, I didn’t know crap about star signs back then. Just thought he was cute and had nice photos hiking. His profile said “organized and loyal” but girl, that was like scratching the surface.
First Meetup Disaster
We met at this coffee shop downtown. Showed up five minutes late cuz parking sucked. Big mistake. Found him sitting there checking his watch. Not mad, but man… that look. “You appear to be experiencing temporal challenges,” was his actual first sentence to me. Ordered an oat milk latte – cost $5.75. Pulled out a $10 bill and he immediately corrected the cashier giving me $3.25 change instead of $4.25. The dude calculates percentages mentally while ordering.
-
What I Noticed Right Away:
- Every sip placed the cup exactly back on the coaster ring stain
- Wiped the table edge when my muffin crumbs escaped
- Asked permission before sliding my phone away from the table edge
The Actual Dating Phase
Tried planning our second date. Texted him “wanna grab drinks Friday?” He sent back a spreadsheet. Three venue options with columns for: noise level (decibel estimates), walkability score from my apartment, and menu allergens marked. Suggested 7:06pm arrival time “to avoid peak crowd friction”.
Took him to my messy apartment after movie night. He didn’t say anything. Next morning? My spice rack was alphabetized. Alphabetized. When I freaked out about my missing chili powder? “Third shelf left, between cumin and coriander. Current placement violates culinary categorization.”
-
Virgo Man Survival Kit I Assembled:
- Always text arrival time with +8 minute buffer
- Never give vague compliments – “nice shirt” makes him ask “define nice parameters”
- Bring own shopping bags folded in perfect squares (observed his car trunk)
The Great Fight & Realization
Got pissy when he reorganized my Netflix “continue watching” by release date. Yelled “stop fixing everything!” Thought we were done. Then he shows up with handwritten notes about how “disorder induces physical discomfort comparable to auditory dissonance”.
Here’s the kicker: His “criticism”? Actually helpful. That spreadsheet date? Got us best table in quiet bar. Reorganized pantry? I cook faster now. Those little folded grocery bags? Saved $0.05 per bag at stores.
Final truth? Dating a Virgo man feels like hiring a life optimization coach who also kisses goodnight. Exhausting. Useful. Weirdly worth it.
