Alright so my Virgo pals – today’s ELLE horoscope said we should focus on health routines and tidy up loose ends at work. Sounded straightforward but man, real life ain’t stars on paper. Here’s exactly how my Tuesday went down trying those “easy tricks”.
Morning Madness
Woke up late coz my cat knocked the alarm clock off. Again. Skimmed ELLE’s tip about drinking warm lemon water first thing. Grabbed a lukewarm mug from yesterday – tasted like dishwater. Failed already.
What I actually did:
- Chugged cold tap water while brushing teeth
- Tripped over shoes I didn’t put away last night (oops, loose ends)
- Scrambled eggs burnt while checking work emails
Work “Organizing” Attempt
Horoscope said “systematically clear pending tasks”. My inbox had 73 unread mails. Panic-drank coffee. Tried color-coding spreadsheets like some productivity guru on YouTube. Lasted 20 minutes.
Turns out “pending tasks” included:
- Chasing Dave in accounting for lunch money he owes me since JUNE
- Fixing the printer that eats paper (gave up after 3 jams)
- Finding that missing client file…which was literally under my sandwich wrapper
Crossed off two things. Called it progress.
The “Health Kick” Disaster
ELLE suggested “gentle stretches during breaks”. Attempted yoga at 3PM. My knees cracked louder than bubble wrap. Gave up and ate donuts from the break room. Felt very un-Virgo.
Final Scorecard
What worked:
- Set phone reminder to actually drink water (got 3 glasses in!)
- Taped “RETURN FILES” sign on my monitor – saw it before lunch chaos
- Texted Dave “Pay up or I’m telling HR” – he Venmoed $15 instantly
Epic fails:
- Burnt breakfast
- Donut lunch
- Printer still a demon
Turns out “apply forecasts” means doing normal stuff while pretending stars care. Tomorrow I’m ignoring the horoscope and napping.
