The Truth About Strength Reversed
Man, let me tell you. I pulled the Strength card reversed last week, and it hit me like a ton of bricks. The textbooks? All that junk about ‘inner beast’ and ‘gentle control’? Forget it. That stuff is useless when you’re staring at the Leo woman upside down and feeling like you just want to crawl under a rock. I’ve been logging my practical attempts to really feel the cards, and this one was a nasty one to process.
I was working on something simple, trying to finally get my sleep schedule sorted out. I mean, it’s not rocket science, right? Just go to bed at a reasonable hour. I set myself a challenge, and that was the start of this whole practice record: five consecutive nights of lights out by 11 PM. I figured if I can conquer that small thing, I can get back some of that inner authority that Strength supposedly represents.
I usually start my records by just documenting the card’s physical look and the textbook meaning. So I wrote down the typical stuff: lack of self-control, weakness, feeling intimidated. But I threw the book across the room right after. Why? Because I KNEW deep down, it was more than just ‘lack of control.’ It was a feeling. A feeling I had to chase down to decode this thing simply.
Night one, I was pumped. Easy peasy. Got into bed at 10:45 PM. Strength, upright, victory! But then, the next morning, I did my daily draw, and there she was, flippin’ inverted. Strength Reversed. I looked at that card, looked at my challenge, and I just felt this immediate, awful gut-punch of giving up before I even started the next night.
The Sleepless Experiment and What I Experienced
Night two: 1 AM. Still watching those dumb YouTube shorts. Night three: even worse, scrolling social media until 2 AM. I decided to really lean into the card. I wanted to feel the powerlessness so I could decode it simply, without the flowery language. This isn’t about some ancient wisdom; this is about what it feels like when you’re trying to win a simple fight with yourself and you just can’t, so you stop trying.
What I noted down, purely from the experience, wasn’t about willpower. It was about feeling like a fraud. It was about not believing I had the right to be strong, even over something as small as bedtime. That’s the secret meaning, simple as that. It’s not that you can’t do it; it’s that you are actively telling yourself you’re incapable.
I had to dig deep into the ‘why’ I was feeling this fraudulence to complete the record. And that’s where the real history comes out.
Why I KNOW This Card Isn’t Just ‘Weakness’
I know this because of the absolute, humiliating mess I got myself into a few years back. Everyone acts like ‘inner strength’ is easy until you actually lose everything. I was running a small side business, right? Just doing some graphic design on the side. It started small, and then it blew up, fast. Suddenly, I had three employees, an office lease, and actual pressure. I had to manage cash flow, manage people, manage clients who were, frankly, absolute nightmares.
I was running on adrenaline, sure, but I was also terrified of appearing weak. I was trying to be Strength, Upright, 24/7. I was gentle yet firm with the lion, except the lion was me, and I was choking it. I wouldn’t ask for help. I wouldn’t tell my partner how bad the debt was getting. I just kept pushing, pretending I had this unbreakable control over the whole situation.
Then the one big client, the one that paid for the office, walked out without paying their final bill. It was a massive hit. I had to let the employees go, break the lease, and I was left with mountains of debt and a severe case of shingles from the stress. When I looked in the mirror, I didn’t see strength. I just saw a guy who had completely lost his mind, lost control, and had zero ability to face the truth.
I retreated entirely. For months, I just played video games and ate microwave dinners. I couldn’t even manage to shower every day. That wasn’t just ‘lack of self-control’; that was a full, system-wide shutdown. That was a belief that I was fundamentally flawed and incapable of managing even the smallest task, like getting out of bed. That’s Strength Reversed, living and breathing in my life.
Why am I telling you all this now? Because when I pulled the card reversed and felt that familiar slump over something as dumb as bedtime, I immediately recognized that feeling. It wasn’t about fighting the urge to stay up; it was about the insidious voice saying, “You’re too tired. You deserve to fail. You’ve always failed before, remember the business?” That belief is the shadow of the Strength card.
My Simple Decode, My Record Complete
So, the practice record is done. It took four days to really get it, and a trip down a memory lane I usually keep locked up. But here it is, the simple decode. This is what I wrote down in my final entry, the one I’m sharing with you guys:
- What the Textbooks Miss: They say ‘weakness.’ No. It’s the belief in your weakness. That self-talk crap is the real enemy, the one that tells you you’re incapable.
- The Task Failure: I failed the sleep challenge, but I succeeded in the card challenge. The failure wasn’t due to a lack of power, but a refusal to access it. I didn’t even try hard on night two and three because I thought I’d fail anyway.
- Simple Decode: Strength Reversed = Self-Doubt Masquerading as Fatigue or Laziness. It’s the refusal to be patient and kind with your own struggles. You’re trying to force control and you end up getting slapped down by your own inner resistance because you don’t trust yourself.
So next time you pull it, don’t ask yourself, “Do I have the strength?” Ask yourself, “Am I actively sabotaging myself because I don’t believe I’m capable of succeeding right now?” That’s the real secret. That’s the practice done. Now, I gotta go try that 11 PM bedtime again. Wish me luck. I’m starting tonight.
