So I stumbled on this Virgo love prediction thing online and figured hey why not try it, been single for a while anyway. Grabbed my laptop around 9 PM last night, made some crappy instant coffee because why waste the good stuff on horoscopes, y’know?
First step was digging up my exact birth details. Pulled out my phone, scrolled through old texts till I found mom’s message about my birth time – 3:17 AM apparently. Typed that into some astrology calculator, praying it wasn’t some sketchy site stealing data. Watched it spit out this massive chart with lines and symbols like a messed-up treasure map.
Where It Got Weird
The prediction said Mercury retrograde messed up communication last month. Legit remembered how my texting game was trash – sent a “cool” instead of asking that barista out. Okay, point one for astrology. Then it mentioned Venus chilling in my fifth house, suggesting “creative dates.” All I could think was finger painting drunk at 2 AM – not sure that counts.
Decided to go full detective mode:
- Checked moon phases: Full moon was two nights ago. Did absolutely nothing romantic except eat cold pizza.
- Counted numerology crap: Added my birthday numbers (9+14=23, then 2+3=5). Got “adventure” vibes. Interpreted as swiping right on three hiking profiles.
- Meditated (sorta): Sat cross-legged for five minutes imagining “positive energy.” Mostly thought about laundry.
Realized halfway I was treating this like some love potion recipe – moonlight, numbers, weird symbols. Finished feeling like I’d decoded nuclear codes but still had zero dates lined up.
What Actually Happened?
Woke up today expecting romantic miracles. Got… nothing. Same empty inbox. BUT later at the grocery store? Made awkward eye contact with someone in the cereal aisle. They smiled. I panked and dropped my box of cheap oats. Baby steps, I guess? Maybe that Venus thing sorta kinda worked?
Whole thing took like 3 hours and cost me sleep. Learned nothing magical, but hey – at least I cleaned my apartment during “planetary alignment reflection time.” Free predictions? Worth exactly what you pay for ‘em. Still thinkin’ ‘bout that cereal aisle though.
