Alright, so I got curious this month, right? Like, everyone says Virgo men are impossible to please. Super picky, super critical. So I thought, screw it, let’s see if I can actually make one fall head over heels. Total experiment mode activated.
Phase One: Research & Prep
First step? Google. Obviously. Typed in “Virgo man traits” like my life depended on it. Found out they apparently dig:
- Super organized people (lol, me? My desk looks like a bomb hit it)
- Honesty and smarts (okay, this I could maybe fake)
- Quiet confidence (meaning don’t be loud and obnoxious like my usual self)
Armed with this “wisdom,” I decided to aim for Mark – this dude from my yoga class. Quiet, always perfectly dressed, reads actual paperbacks. Classic Virgo vibes.
Phase Two: Operation Be Perfect (or Fake It)
Started showing up to yoga 10 minutes early. Made sure my water bottle was matching my towel color (wtf even is this effort?). Made eye contact. Smiled softly. Didn’t crack any dumb jokes. Almost died of boredom pretending to be chill.
Next, I casually “bumped into” him at the coffee shop near class. Asked if he could recommend a book, since he always had one. Mark lit up! Launched into this detailed breakdown of some sci-fi novel. I nodded like I understood quantum physics being mentioned. Inside? Brain totally fried.
Phase Three: The “Subtle” Signals (AKA Being Obvious)
Remembered they like practicality. So instead of sending some dumb cheesy horoscope thing, I texted him after class: “Hey Mark, saw this waterproof yoga mat bag deal. Thought of you since yours was soaked last week.”
He replied! Like, instantly! Said thanks, called it thoughtful. Boom. Progress?
Phase Four: The Meltdown & Reset
Tried to plan the “perfect” first date. Fancy dinner spot. Reservations. Ironed my shirt. The works. Total disaster. Restaurant messed up the booking. Spilled wine on my shirt. Forgot half the book stuff he mentioned.
Mark looked… amused? Not impressed. Totally bombed the perfect persona.
Driving home, feeling like a complete idiot for playing this dumb horoscope game, something snapped. I called him. Said straight up: “Look, tonight was messy. Truth is, I tried way too hard pretending to be someone else to impress you cause I read this dumb Virgo thing. And now I’m kinda sweaty and embarrassed.”
The Weird-Ass Outcome
He laughed. Actually laughed! Said he clocked the “sudden organization” the second week and found it hilarious. Then said: “The wine spill and rant about the booking was the most real you’ve been since I met you. It was… refreshing.”
Turns out, my dumb “experiment” failed spectacularly at making him fall fast via perfect Virgo bait. But fumbling hard and then owning it is what actually got him interested. Who saw that coming?
Lesson learned? Trying to play some star sign strategy game is exhausting and fake. Being a hot mess sometimes? Apparently that’s the real magic trick. Or maybe it was just Mark being weird. Anyway, deleted all those Virgo tabs. Never again.
