Why I Decided to Read My Virgo Love Horoscope This Month
So last Thursday I was scrolling on my phone during lunch break feeling meh about my dating life. Saw some folks chatting about zodiac signs in a coffee shop group chat. Remembered my horoscope app always spams monthly updates but I never click. Figured why not try this month since I’m single as hell. Pulled up the app store and just grabbed the first free astrology app with decent ratings.
How I Actually Did It Step by Step
First thing I did was open the stupid app at 11 PM while eating cereal. The homepage had a big fat “Monthly Horoscope” button. I clicked that real quick.
- Step 1: Scrolled through the planet signs selection ’cause it showed stupid Pisces first. Found Virgo near the bottom.
- Step 2: Saw like 5 categories there – career, health, money crap. Almost clicked away but spotted “Romance” hiding under finance stuff.
- Step 3: Skimmed through fluffy astrology jargon saying dumb things like “Venus is in your seventh house”. Who cares. Almost quit right there.
Then something clicked. Decided to screenshot the key points and write my own translation:
- When it said “open yourself to vulnerability”, I wrote “stop ghosting matches after 2 texts”
- That line about “celestial alignment with Mercury”? Changed that to “maybe don’t overanalyze their Instagram stories”
- The bit about “critical self-reflection period” became “your last date wasn’t bad because they wore crocs”
What Actually Happened After Reading It
Put my phone down laughing at how vague it was. But next day at work when Sarah from accounting asked about weekend plans, I remembered the damn horoscope. Normally would’ve said “laundry” but actually asked if she knew cool bars downtown. Ended up with a group hang Friday night.
Tried the “no overthinking” thing with a Bumble guy too. Didn’t psychoanalyze why he took 4 hours to reply once. Went on coffee date that sucked, but whatever – felt lighter not obsessing. Last week’s horoscope update was way off though. Said I’d meet soulmate at gym, but only talked to sweaty Greg who smells like tuna sandwiches.
Biggest lesson? Treat these things like fortune cookies – fun to crack open but stupid to take seriously. Still checking monthly though. Free entertainment beats Netflix sometimes.
