Honestly I never cared about horoscope stuff before but last Tuesday my coffee machine broke and my cat knocked over a plant – same damn day. Figured I’d check if the stars warned me. Googled “Virgo 2021 monthly” expecting quick answers but wow everything looked like alphabet soup.
Step 1: The Confusion Phase
First surprise? Virgo dates ain’t simple. Saw August 23–September 22 on some sites but others said September 16–October 30? Grabbed my calendar app feeling dizzy. Typed all possible date ranges into a sticky note like a madman. Realized half these pages were cluttered with glittery gifs and “CLICK HERE FOR YOUR FUTURE” popups. Closed like 15 tabs feeling grumpy.
Step 2: Actually Trying to Read the Thing
Found one plain text page finally. Scrolled past 3 paragraphs about “cosmic energy shifts” before hitting actual predictions. Decided to focus on January 2021 first. The forecast said:
- Career stuff: “Unexpected changes!” (vague much?)
- Love: “Communication is key” (my cat communicates by biting)
- Health: “Drink more water” (my doctor says this every year)
Flipped to June. Saw Jupiter retrograde mentioned – Googled that. Got lost in astronomy forums for 20 minutes before remembering I just wanted Virgo stuff. Felt like chasing my own tail.
Step 3: My Brilliant System
Grabbed a notebook. Drew 12 boxes for each month like a sad calendar. Started scribbling keywords from different sites:
- January: Career ??? Love = talk??
- February: Money warning (vague) “Reconnect friends”
- March: Planet Mercury garbage (all sites obsess over Mercury)
Highlighted anything specific like “avoid big purchases March 4-8”. Underlined “focus on paperwork” for November because that’s tax season – even stars know taxes suck.
What Actually Happened
Checked my notes against 2021 memories. January’s “career surprise”? My boss quit. Okay, point for horoscopes. But July’s “romantic breakthrough”? I binge-watched anime alone. October’s “financial windfall”? Got a $50 birthday gift card. Waste of time mostly, though the March “don’t spend money” warning saved me from buying dumb crypto. Mostly felt like reading a fortune cookie that took 4 hours to unpack. Wouldn’t do it again unless Mercury is in my coffee or something.
