Alright so I had this wild idea to create monthly Virgo horoscopes for 2015 in Urdu. Why? ‘Cause my auntie’s obsessed with astrology but only understands Urdu, and those fancy apps don’t do proper translations. Figured I’d give it a shot myself.
Getting Started
First I grabbed my dusty laptop and opened Google Translate. Typed in “Virgo monthly predictions January 2015” in English then pasted the Urdu translation. Big mistake. The output read like “Goat constellation moon water will bring happy fish” – total nonsense.
Next I hunted down Urdu astrology books my grandma left me. Spent hours flipping through yellow pages squinting at faded Urdu script. Managed to scribble notes like “Virgos avoid financial risks mid-month” for January. My wrist was cramping bad after two hours.
The Tech Nightmare
Thought I’d be smart using an open-source typing tool called Nastaliq Writer. Installed it and bam – corrupted my system fonts. Half my screen started showing boxes instead of letters! Panicked and Googled fixes for three hours while drinking stale coffee.
- Restarted computer twice
- Screamed when Urdu text displayed backwards
- Finally got it working by changing encoding settings
Typed each month’s predictions using two-finger hunt-and-peck method. Took me four days just to finish January to March. My back ached from hunching over that stupid keyboard.
The Revelation
Showed my first draft to cousin Ahmed who actually knows Urdu. He burst out laughing pointing at June’s prediction: “You will find love near buffaloes” Apparently I mistranslated “office colleagues” as “dairy farm animals”. Mortifying.
Ended up paying his neighbor’s kid 500 rupees to proofread all twelve months. Kid finished in one afternoon while chewing bubblegum. Made me feel ancient and incompetent.
Final Steps
Formatted everything in simple Word document with crescent moon clipart. Printed copies smell like burnt toner cause my printer’s dying. Gave one to auntie yesterday – she patted my head saying “Beta you tried” while squinting at smudged ink.
Epic fail? Maybe. But now I know: never attempt Urdu horoscopes without native speakers. And buffalo romance predictions? That stays between us.
