Man, what a week. Things were just feeling heavy, you know? Like walking through mud with everyone I care about. I’m a Virgo, which I always figured meant I was just super organized and helpful. Turns out, when you get stressed out, all that helpfulness just curdles into being a massive, nitpicky pain in the neck. I was doing that thing again—trying to ‘fix’ everything and everyone around me. Drove my partner nuts, made my best buddy go silent, and even my mom gave me the side-eye on the phone. Something had to change, and I wasn’t going to wait around for some sign. I decided I was going to run a little experiment.
The Moment I Just Shut Up and Listened
I realized my biggest issue, and yeah, it’s a total Virgo thing, is that I listen to respond, not to actually hear. I’m already forming the solution or the correction in my head before the other person even finishes their sentence. This week, my buddy, Mark, was telling me about a stupid office drama he was dealing with. My initial instinct? To immediately dive in and lay out a 10-step plan for him to confront his boss and reorganize his entire workflow. I was halfway through opening my mouth to suggest he color-code his emails when I stopped myself.
I literally clamped my jaw shut. I just let him ramble. He kept going for like, five more minutes. He didn’t ask for advice. He didn’t need a strategy session. He just needed to vent and know that someone was actually tuning in. I said three words when he finally paused: “That sounds awful.” And that was it. No plan, no correction, just empathy. The change was instant. He visibly relaxed and the conversation flowed so much better after. It felt weird, honestly, because my brain was screaming, “But the plan! The efficiency!” But I stuck with it.
The Three Stupid Simple Things I Forced Myself to Do
I figured if I was going to try and salvage the week, I needed a few concrete actions. I can’t just ‘be better.’ I needed a checklist. So I put together three tiny rules, based on what I realized I was constantly messing up.
- Stop the Edit: I had to catch myself before correcting something small—their grammar, a slight inaccuracy in a story, the way they loaded the dishwasher. If it wasn’t a safety issue, I was forbidden to say anything.
- Give the Compliment First: Before any critique or suggestion, I had to genuinely tell the person something good I appreciated about them or the situation. I had to lead with the positive energy.
- Ask vs. Assume: I needed to stop assuming I knew what people needed help with. Instead of fixing, I had to ask, “Do you want help with this, or do you just need to talk it out?”
Putting the Rules to Work
The first rule was the hardest with my partner. I found myself hovering around the kitchen counter, silently judging the way the napkins were folded. It was torture, but I kept my mouth zipped. I just walked away. Later, she was telling me about a new project, and my Virgo-brain immediately spotted a slight flaw in the timeline. I was ready to swoop in and point out the missing step.
But I remembered rule number two. I took a breath and said, “Seriously, I’m so proud of how you took the lead on this. That whole presentation layout is brilliant.” She actually smiled bigger than usual. Then I asked, “Hey, just checking, did you remember to factor in the two days for client review, or is that internal time?” It worked! Because I started with appreciation, the small critique wasn’t taken personally. It wasn’t seen as me trying to be superior; it was seen as me genuinely trying to support her work, which is the whole point of being in a relationship, right?
With my mom, I focused on rule number three. She’s always complaining about her computer. Usually, I just remote in and fix the whole thing without asking. This time, I called her up and when she mentioned the slow speed, I just asked, “Mom, do you want me to try and fix it right now, or do you just want to complain about how slow it is for a bit? Because I’m happy to do either.” She laughed and said, “Oh, just let me complain, dear.” I stayed on the line while she vented about technology and then we talked about other stuff. It was the easiest conversation we’d had in months. I didn’t solve a single technical problem, but I solved a massive emotional one.
I realized these supposed ‘insights’ aren’t some magic astrology trick; they’re just about being less of a self-appointed manager and more of a real human being. I spent years overcomplicating things, making everything a process that needed optimization. This week was about stripping all that away and just showing up. And honestly? My connections felt closer, more real, and a hell of a lot less stressful. I’m definitely keeping these three rules on rotation. It’s funny how fixing my relationships meant I had to stop trying to fix everything else.
