The Myth of Peak Performance: October 2019 Was a Lie
You want to know what October 2019 for my career was like? I’ll tell you straight: It was a dumpster fire wrapped in a pristine, perfectly ironed suit. I bought into that whole Virgo perfectionist hype hook, line, and sinker. I thought I was on top of the world, pushing projects through, managing two teams that should have been four, and logging hours that would make a sleep doctor weep. That was the practice. That was the sickening, non-stop grind I recorded as a “successful month.”
I was successful, if success meant making someone else obscenely rich while my own bank account looked like a sad joke. I spent that whole month trying to fix what the lazy folks before me had messed up. I didn’t just write code; I rewrote entire legacy systems. I didn’t just hold meetings; I ran interference between sales, tech, and management who couldn’t agree on the color of the sky. I remember one week I had to physically drive across the state just to reset a single server because the guy they hired before me just ghosted the company with all the root passwords. Did I get overtime? Don’t make me laugh.
The Ugly Numbers I Ignored Back Then
What’s the actual lesson from that month that I’m sharing now? You can’t learn anything until you quantify the abuse. For years, I just let the memory fade, proud that I “survived” that period. But the other week, I finally stopped running from it. I pulled up every single pay stub and time sheet from late 2019. I dragged the files onto my computer. I created a new spreadsheet. I started inputting the data.
I calculated everything. Not just the salary, but the hours spent commuting, the dinner money I burned ordering takeout late at the office, the amount I paid for parking when I was too tired to take the subway.
- I discovered that my effective hourly rate for October 2019 was about 30% less than the entry-level intern’s rate at the place I work now.
- I saw that I spent more money on Tums and coffee that month than I did on anything useful or fun.
- I realized the massive project I drove to completion was sold for twenty times what my whole annual salary was. Twenty times!
This wasn’t a job; it was a scam. And I, the supposed high-performing Virgo, was the willing patsy. I wrote down the final, brutal number: The total value I delivered versus the total salary I received. Seeing the ratio just hit me in the gut. It wasn’t just low pay; it was active financial self-harm.
The Hook: Why I Started Asking the Tough Questions
So, why am I digging this up four years later? Because a few months ago, my old boss from that place—the guy who swore I was “part of the family”—emailed me. He dared to ask me to come back and consult on a new project. He mentioned how much they needed my “unique leadership.” I almost just deleted the email, but something stopped me. I decided to execute a new practice: The Reckoning.
I drafted a reply. I attached the spreadsheet I just made, but I edited it first, stripping out the personal expenses but leaving the gross hours and the project valuation numbers. I quoted my current consultancy rate, which is five times what he paid me back then. Then, I added a one-line note saying, “Based on my analysis of October 2019, your company owes me a significant bonus for undervalued labor. Paying that is the retainer.”
The Aftermath and What You Must Implement Now
Did he ever reply? Of course not. He ghosted me again, just like that lazy sysadmin from 2019. But the satisfaction? Immense. I moved on from that toxic environment a year after that rough October, not because I was fired, but because a minor panic attack on a Sunday morning finally forced me to re-evaluate what “commitment” meant.
I started my own thing. I switched industries entirely, from tech product management to focused, high-value consulting, and I never looked back. The practice wasn’t quitting; the practice was understanding my own market value and then being absolutely ruthless about negotiating it.
You want the actual learning? Stop obsessing over being the “perfect employee” who takes on everyone else’s slack just because you have that Virgo need to fix things. That’s not a career strategy; it’s free labor for people who don’t respect your time.
Here’s the final practice I want you to implement today, right now:
- Go back: Find the record of your most demanding month of work.
- Calculate: Tally the actual hours and divide your gross pay by that number.
- Compare: Look up the market rate for a freelancer doing that exact job.
- Act: If the numbers don’t match up, you need to start planning your exit, or you need to demand a serious raise.
October 2019 taught me that my perfectionism was a weapon pointed at my own wallet. Don’t let your grind become your owner. Own your grind. It’s the only lesson that truly sticks.
