Man, dating as a single guy/gal in your thirties is just the worst. I was deep in the trenches, feeling like I was just hitting that ‘swipe left’ wall every damn time. It wasn’t even about finding the right person, it was about just feeling seen by anyone I actually liked. Everything was just… dead.
I mean, I tried everything. I updated the dating app profile pictures a million times. I used those silly little canned opening lines. I even paid for the premium subscriptions, thinking maybe the algorithm just needed more of my money to deliver. Nope. Zero difference. I was spinning my wheels and feeling like I had no power over the situation. I was just reacting to whatever lukewarm attention came my way, usually from people I had zero interest in.
This went on for nearly a year. I got so discouraged that I actually pulled back entirely for a few months, just wallowing in the fact that it was obviously a me problem. Then one night, I was sitting there, shuffling my tarot deck, not even looking for an answer, just needing something to fidget with. I pulled a card, just randomly, and it was The Magician. I stared at it. It wasn’t the answer I was looking for, but it suddenly clicked. It wasn’t a spiritual revelation; it was a realization about agency.
You see The Magician, right? He’s standing there with the cup, the sword, the wand, and the coin—all the tools. He’s looking up, connected, focused. He’s not waiting for magic; he’s doing the magic. He’s got all the resources right there on his table. I suddenly laughed because my dating life had zero tools on the table. It was empty. All I was bringing was a profile bio I hadn’t changed in three years and a desperate energy.
That realization lit a fire under my butt. I didn’t frame it as “manifesting a partner.” I framed it as a Magician’s Resource Audit. I needed to actually use my own charm, which I’d totally forgotten about, or maybe just let atrophy. The Magician doesn’t wait for the cosmos; he takes the first step.
The Magician’s Resource Audit: Fixing My Tools
I immediately started the practical overhaul. I wrote down the four suits and what they represented in my dating life, and then I brutally scored myself. Most of my scores were terrible.
- Wands (Fire / Energy / Passion): My energy was low. I was burned out. My solution? I signed up for that ceramics class I’d been putting off for months. Action Taken: Started a new, genuine hobby to bring actual new passion into my life.
- Swords (Air / Intellect / Communication): I noticed all my conversations were the same boring loop: what I do for work, where I live, travel plans. Boring! Action Taken: I started reading two news articles daily and consciously practiced talking about the ideas in them, not just the facts. Got that brain working again.
- Cups (Water / Emotion / Connection): My emotional availability was okay, but I was so scared of rejection that I was putting up walls. Action Taken: I forced myself to compliment one stranger every day (not romantically, just like, “Hey, cool jacket”). It was awkward, but it taught me to offer positive energy without expecting anything back.
- Pentacles (Earth / Material / Body): My style was a total mess. I hadn’t bought new clothes in forever, and I was relying on baggy hoodies. Action Taken: I tossed the old, ill-fitting stuff and invested in three really solid outfits that made me feel sharp and put-together. It’s shallow, but when you look good, you stand straighter.
This process took about two solid weeks. I wasn’t dating; I was just fixing my own damn tools. I had the Magician card taped above my desk as a reminder: You have everything you need. Use it.
Waving the Wand: The Practice Log
I didn’t try to find ‘the one’ after this. My goal was just to go on five dates over the next month where I felt like The Magician—confident, focused, and using my resources. If I felt desperate or awkward, I scored the practice a fail.
The difference was night and day. On the third date, I actually used my ceramics class story, and because I was genuinely excited about it (Wands), the conversation flowed easily and led to a real, personal connection (Swords). I didn’t need to try hard; I just needed to be what I had prepared.
The result wasn’t a magic marriage proposal. That’s not how The Magician works. The result was that I attracted a few people I was genuinely interested in, and even better, I quickly filtered out the people who weren’t interested in the new me. There was no more chasing. I didn’t need to beg for attention. Because I was confident in my own resources, I was magnetizing the right kind of attention.
I’m still single as I write this, but the difference now is that I’m not waiting anymore. I feel like a magician, not a beggar. I used my charm by first creating that charm. It’s the ultimate practical manifestation log—you don’t pull a rabbit out of an empty hat. You fill the hat first. That’s the real magic.
