My Virgo Money Mess Last Month
Alright so last month I got this email about “Unlock Virgo Wealth Potential 2025.” Usually I just delete that stuff, but hey, times are tight. Figured why not? Started reading it while eating leftover pizza for lunch.
Step one was checking Mercury’s position. Pulled up some free star chart site. Took me like 20 minutes to find Mercury – kept clicking Jupiter by mistake. Site looked like it was made in the 90s. Annoying but found it eventually. Mercury was hanging out in some financial house. Supposedly good.
Next up: fixing my workspace for better money energy. Horoscope said Virgos need tidy spots. My desk looked like a paper bomb went off. Spent Thursday night sorting receipts from 2023 into folders. Found three expired coupons and some old lottery tickets. Zero winners, obviously. Felt kinda pointless but the guide insisted.
Then came the “wealth ritual” part. Needed green candles and cinnamon sticks. Had green birthday candles from my nephew’s party last year. Found cinnamon sticks in the spice rack – expiration date 2022. Close enough. Lit them up Friday morning before work. Almost set off my smoke alarm. Smelled like burnt toast for hours.
The strategy said track new income streams carefully. Signed up for a survey app Wednesday. Spent 30 minutes answering dumb questions about toothpaste flavors. Got paid 50 cents. Not exactly life-changing. Felt pretty stupid but kept going because the stars said “persistence.”
Worst part was sending handwritten “prosperity requests.” Wrote two crappy letters to clients asking about extra projects. One got back saying “Who is this?” Realized I forgot to sign the first one. My dog tried eating the second one. Total disaster.
After two weeks of this?
- Cinnamon smell still stuck in my curtains
- 50 cents richer from surveys
- One awkward client email
- Bunch of useless sorted receipts
Final outcome? Got lucky on Friday – found $20 in an old coat pocket. Maybe Mercury finally paid up. Or maybe just coincidence. Either way, won’t be burning ancient spices again.
