So I stumbled across this Virgo love horoscope thing for April and figured, hey why not give it a shot? Been single forever and my dating life’s drier than stale crackers. Grabbed my coffee and squinted at my phone screen first thing Monday morning.
The Setup
Clicked open some astrology site—don’t even remember which one, they all look the same. Scrolled straight to the Virgo section. Bullet points shouted at me:
- Communication is key – Stop overthinking texts
- Unexpected encounters – Say yes to random invites
- Old flames reappear – Proceed with caution
Snorted at the “old flames” bit. My ex still owes me $200 from 2018. Not happening.
The Experiment
Decided to actually try this nonsense. Tuesday, my buddy Dave texted about some art gallery thing downtown. Normally I’d bail—abstract paintings give me hives. But remembering “unexpected encounters,” I typed “Sure why not” before I could chicken out.
Got there and immediately wanted to bolt. Stood awkwardly sipping free sparkling water when this woman beside me pointed at a splatter painting and muttered, “Looks like my cat hacked up a hairball.” Laughed so hard I choked. We got talking—turns out she writes children’s books about depressed hamsters. Weirdly cute.
Later that week, almost ghosted a coffee date after overanalyzing my outfit for 45 minutes. Remembered the “overthinking” warning and just showed up in my dinosaur socks. Spilled latte on my shirt immediately. She laughed and handed me napkins—didn’t even pretend not to notice.
The Verdict
Weirdly, some of this garbage kinda worked? That art gallery woman? We’re grabbing dumplings next week. Coffee date ghosted me after two days, but whatever—socks were comfy. Ex did text asking if I “missed our vibe.” Sent back a GIF of a dumpster fire. Felt damn satisfying.
Biggest takeaway? Forcing myself into dumb situations broke my usual “hide under blankets” routine. Still think horoscopes are 90% nonsense, but that 10% accidental good advice? Might ride that luck into May.
