What Went Down Between Virgo & Aquarius
Okay so last Tuesday, my Virgo neighbor started yelling at my Aquarius ass about trash bins AGAIN. Apparently I put recyclables in the wrong container on the exact wrong planetary alignment day or whatever. Typical 2023 Virgo-Aquarius drama bullcrap. I rolled my eyes so hard I saw my own brain.
Instead of arguing, I grabbed my dusty astrology journal and decided to actually fix our mess. Here’s exactly what I did step by step:
Step 1: Sprayed Their Judgy Vibes Away
First I made this salty lemon spray – squeezed 3 lemons straight into a bottle, dumped in sea salt till it looked like a snow globe, then shook it like a maraca while yelling “CHILL OUT KAREN!” at the mixture. Went outside and sprayed it around my front door where she always corners me. Smelled like a tequila sunrise gone wrong but guess what? She avoided my porch for 48 whole hours. Her passive-aggressive recycling notes stopped appearing.
Step 2: Hijacked Her Mercury Retrograde
When Mercury went wonky last Thursday, I pulled a pro gamer move. Left “accidental” sticky notes near her mailbox saying stuff like:
- “Cancel dry cleaner appointment!! Venus in chaos”
- “Buy milk? Gemini says no dairy”
Watched from my window as she spent 20 minutes frantically scribbling in her planner. When she finally knocked? Just smiled sweetly and said “Mercury’s messing with both of us hon!” and slammed the door. Her face looked like a constipated tomato.
Step 3: Beat Her at Her Own Damn Game
The final boss move: I started organizing MY trash like a maniac. Color-coded bins, printed laminated sorting charts with constellations, even timed my recycling drop-offs to “optimal lunar phases”. When she tried lecturing me yesterday, I whipped out my astrological waste management spreadsheet and talked for 15 minutes about Saturn’s influence on plastic decomposition. She literally RAN back inside. Power move achieved.
Now my Virgo thinks I’m more anal than she is. Weirdly works? She brought me cookies today. Horoscope wars: 1, neighbor drama: 0.
