So back in January, I was scrolling through stuff feeling kinda stuck at my boring office job. Typed “Virgo 2024 career changes” into Google like a total rookie. Found this monthly breakdown claiming March and July were the big months for shaking things up. Honestly? Thought it was nonsense but printed it anyway.
The Plan Phase
Taped that horoscope to my fridge next to expired coupons. Decided to play along like an experiment. Figured worst case, I’d just waste some printer ink.
March Action Time
First week of March: Dug out my dusty resume. Realized it still said “Proficient in Windows XP.” Spent three nights rewriting the damn thing while eating cold pizza. The horoscope said “network boldly” so I forced myself to message old coworkers I hadn’t talked to in years. Felt super awkward. One guy replied with just “???” and a meme.
- Mid-March: Applied to 15 jobs wearing sweatpants. Most were “no reply” vibes.
- March 28th: Got a random interview call! Messed up the first question completely (“So uh, your company does… software?”). The hiring manager sighed so loud I heard it through Zoom.
July Meltdown Mode
July rolled around. Horoscope screamed “LEAP NOW.” My job felt like watching paint dry. Told my boss I needed more responsibility. He just pointed at the broken coffee machine and said “Fix that first.” Packed my stuff that afternoon. Didn’t even finish my lukewarm tea.
- Job hunting again: Sent applications from my phone while waiting in line at the unemployment office. Refused to use “synergy” in any cover letter.
- Mid-July panic: Bills piled up. Started dog walking for cash. One pug peed on my only interview shoes.
- July 29th: Nailed an interview by ranting about how much I hated corporate jargon. Got hired two days later fixing bikes. Pay’s worse. Smile more.
So yeah. Did the stars magically fix my career? Nah. But forcing myself to move when that paper said “MOVE” actually shook things up. Still got the horoscope taped up there… right next to my first paycheck from the bike shop. Coffee machine still broken though. Who knows, maybe 2025’s horoscope says “learn appliance repair.”
