Okay, let’s dive straight into this. Earlier this year, I screwed up big time with my partner. Again. That “overthinking everything and pointing out tiny flaws” habit? Classic Virgo move. Hit me like a brick when they finally said, “Can we just… breathe sometimes?” Right then, I knew I had to actually practice fixing this mess, not just think about fixing it.
Facing the Ugly Stuff Head-On
First, I grabbed my damn notebook – not my phone, actual paper – and listed every relationship mess I’ve caused with Virgo crap. Critiquing how they loaded the dishwasher? Yep. Nitpicking their plans? Check. That icy silent treatment when things felt “unbalanced”? Guilty as charged. Seeing it all written down was brutal, man. Like reading a rap sheet.
The 48-Hour Rule Experiment
I made one rule: bite my tongue for 48 hours before mentioning anything that felt like criticism. First test came fast. They left wet towels on the bed. My brain screamed, “THIS IS UNHYGIENIC AND WRONG!” Instead, I walked outside, breathed hard, and asked myself: Will this matter in five years? Spoiler: nope. Waited two days. Towels weren’t even there anymore. Point proven to myself.
Also tried active listening without mentally drafting counterpoints while they talked. Physical action helps: hands flat on knees, feet on floor, eye contact. Sounds dumb, but it forced me to actually hear instead of just waiting to “fix” what they said.
Stopping the Spiral Before It Starts
Overthinking’s my superpower. Partner texts “Can we reschedule dinner?” Old me would spin for hours: “Are they avoiding me? Did I do something?” This time, I physically stopped myself mid-spiral. Literally said out loud: “Stop.” Then texted back: “Sure, when works?”
- Key physical action: closing eyes and counting five slow breaths before reacting.
- Realized 90% of my worries never happen. Total waste of energy.
The Apology Trap
Virgos apologize constantly, yeah? Makes us feel like we’re “doing the work.” But after the towel incident, instead of saying “Sorry I got annoyed,” I tried “Thanks for grabbing those towels earlier.” Swapping apologies for gratitude. Weird at first. Partner’s reaction? Smiled. Actual. Human. Smile. Way better than another empty “sorry.”
Biggest change? Admitting I don’t need to “optimize” every damn thing. Sometimes messy is fine. Sometimes good enough is… good enough. Still practicing. Still messing up some days. But at least now I recognize the beast when it growls.
