Alright folks, let me tell you about that time I actually decided to follow a monthly horoscope to the letter. May 2018. Virgo. Sounded kinda fun, maybe even useful? Spoiler: it wasn’t.
The Grand Plan Starts
So, May 1st rolls around. I found that “Virgo Horoscope May 2018 Monthly: See What You Should Have Known” online somewhere. Printed it out, old-school style. Read it over my morning coffee. Biggest points it hammered on:
- “Plan meticulously!” (Big surprise, telling a Virgo to plan…)
- “Avoid major financial risks!”
- “Communication will be key, watch your words!”
- “Unexpected opportunities might pop up mid-month!”
Figured, why not? I grabbed a blue notebook (felt lucky) and decided to track everything.
Week 1: Meticulous Planning Overload
I tried planning everything. Seriously. Down to bathroom breaks. Had spreadsheets for groceries, color-coded calendars blocking off “focus time.” It was insane. Felt productive for about a day. Then Wednesday hits. My buddy calls up, spontaneous concert tickets. Horoscope said “avoid risks” AND “plan meticulously.” Panic mode. Do I ditch the plan? Risk the money? Spent 30 minutes re-reading that darn printout. Went to the concert. Felt guilty. First note in my blue book: “Planning sucks the joy out of fun. Also, spent $75.”
Week 2: Foot-in-Mouth Disease Strikes
“Communication is key.” Right. Tried super hard to be ultra-careful with what I said. Overanalyzed every text, every work email, even casual chats. Told my colleague her presentation was “interesting” instead of “confusing.” She looked at me like I had three heads. Then Thursday, during a coffee run, I bumped into an old acquaintance. Horoscope swirling in my head – “watch your words!” – so I kinda mumbled a “hey” and practically ran off. Felt rude as hell. Blue book entry: “Trying too hard to be careful made me seem weird AND rude. Nice.“
Week 3: Waiting for the “Opportunity”
Mid-month approaches! Perked right up, waiting for that “unexpected opportunity.” Kept eyes peeled. Re-organized my desk in case an opportunity needed space. Checked the mail extra fast. Even said “yes” to a sketchy-sounding free webinar (“Could be the opportunity!”). Week three ended. Zip. Zero. Nada. Unless you count the webinar trying to sell me energy crystals. Blue book entry was short: “Bullcrap.“
Week 4: Throwing the Book Out (Figuratively)
By last week, I was done. So done. Ignored the horoscope. Didn’t plan anything special. Bought a lottery ticket because why not? Voiced my actual opinion at work (politely!) – felt surprisingly good. That predicted “opportunity”? Turned out to be my cousin needing help moving his couch on the 30th. Not exactly life-changing. Final blue notebook entry, circled: “Wasted a whole month trying to live by this. Only useful thing? Realizing horoscopes are vague nonsense. Shoulda known THAT before May even started.” Tossed that printout right into the recycling.
There you have it. My super-scientific, meticulously-noted May 2018 Virgo horoscope experiment. Verdict? Not worth the blue notebook.
