So Wednesday afternoon I’m scrolling Twitter when someone asks about Virgo predictions for 2022. Got me thinking – hey, why not actually read my own damn horoscope for once? Usually I just laugh at those things. Grabbed my coffee, cracked knuckles, and dove in.
The Setup Mess
First step? Find the actual weekly predictions. Googled “Virgo weekly horoscope 2022” – boom, ten thousand sites pop up. Total overload. Picked three random ones that looked semi-legit. All said completely different things about Mercury retrograde. One said “great for career moves,” another said “avoid new projects.” Typical horoscope crap. Just picked the middle one like choosing between bad pizza places.
Made a stupid checklist to compare:
- Love life predictions (all said “communicate better” – groundbreaking)
- Money stuff (two said “unexpected cash,” one said “tight budgeting”)
- Health advice (“drink water” – wow, never heard that before)
Making Sense of Nonsense
Sat there staring at Jupiter’s transit dates like it was rocket science. Scribbled notes on a napkin:
- July 19-25: “Career breakthrough possible” (with tiny asterisk saying Mercury retrograde might screw it up)
- November crap: “Relationships need work” (duh, relationships always need work)
Tried color-coding this nonsense with highlighters. Yellow for money stuff, pink for romance – looked like a kindergarten project. Realized halfway that horoscopes are basically fortune cookies with fancier words.
The Big Realization
After three hours? Felt dumber than when I started. The “key predictions” were so vague you could make them fit anything. If my cat coughed up a hairball on Wednesday, suddenly “health challenges” seemed legit. Total confirmation bias factory.
Shoved the napkin notes into my blog draft folder. Best part? That coffee went cold while I decoded planetary transits that probably meant nothing. Next time someone asks for horoscope advice, I’m telling them to flip a coin. Heads means “communicate better,” tails means “drink water.” Same damn thing.
