Okay so last Friday night I was chillin’ with my coffee scrolling Instagram yeah? Saw like five Virgo memes back to back – messy desks, overthinking captions, you know the drill. Thought “man it’s Virgo season we NEED updates”. Grabbed my star notebook (the one with coffee stains) to do this month’s reading.
Started With Mercury Stuff Obviously
First flipped through my planetary calendar cause Mercury rules Virgos duh. Saw it’s chillin’ in Leo until September 1st which means Virgos gotta talk fancy now. Like no mumbling in meetings or lazy texts to your crush. I practiced this yesterday when my neighbor’s dog ate my roses – instead of yelling I said “Sir your canine appears to be gardening unlawfully” with total Leo energy. Worked too.
Love Section Drama
Checked Venus positions around 11 PM while eating cold pizza. Venus in Leo screams for grand romantic gestures. So this Tuesday I actually followed the stars’ advice:
- Made my partner breakfast tacos shaped like hearts (burned the first three)
- Texted my ex situationship “we need closure vibes” with zero caveats
- Wore glitter eyeshadow on Zoom calls just to feel sparks
Got read receipts only from the ex but whatever.
Career Moves
Mars entered the ambition zone September 6th so I literally rewrote my resume at 2 AM. Sent four “hey I exist” emails to old contacts – one replied with a contract gig next week! Also organized my nightmare desktop files when Saturn made me feel guilty about chaos.
Health Headaches
Ugh the health part stressed me out. Chiron’s transit said Virgos will ignore body signals constantly. Realized I’d been clenching my jaw for weeks! Started doing these dumb chew exercises from TikTok. Also added spinach to smoothies to pretend I’m adulting.
Finished everything Sunday night while watching reality TV for “research”. Honestly the career stuff manifested fastest – Mercury retrograde can kiss my progress. Might bake more apology heart tacos though. Virgos rise up!
