So last weekend I was browsing in that used bookstore downtown – you know the one with the dusty astrology section in the back corner? Anyway, I stumbled on this ancient looking magazine with “Virgo Love Horoscope 2018” splashed across the cover. Figured, what the hell, it’s only a buck, right? Might be funny. Ended up actually trying some of their dumb “single tips to find your true match this year” because, well, my dating life needed CPR. Here’s how it actually went down.
The Horoscope’s Big Plan
Flipped straight to the Virgo pages. Typical stuff: “Meticulous! Practical! Overthinkers!” Felt called out. But then it hit me with this whole step-by-step guide for single Virgos finding “real love” in 2018. Laughed at first. Then sighed. Then decided to give it a shot. Made myself a messy to-do list:
- First: “Stop organizing your sock drawer as avoidance.” Ouch. Point taken. I did stop… for a day.
- Next: “Put yourself out there consistently, not just when planets align.” Translation: get off the damn couch more.
- And this one hurt: “Quit analyzing potential partners like they’re faulty code.” Okay, okay, maybe I do that.
- Final tip: “Embrace the weird stuff that makes YOU happy; the right match will vibe with it.” Weird stuff meaning my weirdo gardening obsession and Star Trek reruns.
The Practice Part (AKA The Awkward Phase)
Started simple. Instead of spending Friday night alphabetizing my spice rack (don’t judge me, Virgo thing), I actually went to that new brewery downtown. Sat at the bar alone. Felt painfully awkward. Talked to the bartender about craft IPA for way too long. Strike one.
Next week, forced myself to say “yes” when work friends invited me to that terrible karaoke bar. Horoscope said “consistency,” right? Watched Dave from accounting butcher “Sweet Caroline.” Made small talk with a woman near the pretzels. Conversation died when I started genuinely analyzing the karaoke machine’s song selection algorithm… guess I broke Rule 3 about “analyzing faulty code” again.
The hardest bit? Not bolting immediately. The horoscope kept screaming “stop avoiding!” So I stayed put, sipped my flat soda water, and just… existed around strangers. It felt grossly inefficient.
Surprise Outcomes (Sort Of)
Weirdest thing happened? After about three weeks of this forced “putting myself out there” nonsense… I didn’t find my soulmate immediately (magazine lied!). BUT.
- I actually started enjoying those karaoke nights? Weirdly fun watching people not give a crap.
- Started chatting more naturally with that woman from the pretzels – turns out she also thinks the song algorithm is flawed. Bonded over bad UX design.
- Went hiking alone one Saturday – “embracing my weird stuff” – and ended up geeking out with a guy photographing the exact same weird moss I was examining. Just shared plant facts and went our separate ways, but it felt… genuinely good? Zero pressure.
Did It Work? (The Bitter Truth)
Did I find my “true match” in 2018 by following a dusty horoscope? Hell no. I did not meet Prince Charming analyzing moss or listening to Dave sing.
BUT… The constant mantra of “stop hiding, stop overthinking, just BE” – it kinda rubbed off? I became a bit less rigid. Stopped seeing every outing as a potential date audition. Felt less like I needed to “fix” everything, including myself.
Fast forward a few months? Started dating someone after I basically gave up actively looking (the ultimate Virgo irony). Met them… get this… at a community garden plant swap, geeking out over heirloom tomatoes. Weird hobbies FTW.
So yeah. The horoscope was mostly bunk. But pushing myself outside the meticulous-Virgo comfort zone? That part accidentally worked. Stopped treating finding love like a project plan. Weirdly, letting go is what maybe… helped? Or maybe it was just dumb luck and I’m overthinking again. Sigh. Whatever. It’s done.
