So I was scrolling through my phone last night, right? This Virgo horoscope headline pops up screaming about some “shocking turn” in love life for August 2022. Honestly laughed my ass off first – horoscopes are usually fluffy BS. But since Mercury was retrograde or whatever, I figured why not document this crap? You know, for science.
The Setup
Grabbed my blue notebook – the one with coffee stains from July – and flipped to a blank page. Wrote the headline big at the top: “VIRGO LOVE AUGUST 2022: WTF SHOCKER?” in all caps. My plan was simple: track my dating disasters for 31 days and see if any “shocking turn” actually happened. Predictions said something about secret admirers and past flames resurfacing. Yeah, sure.
The Daily Grind
Started August 1st by listing all my current situations:
- John from Hinge ghosting after 3 dates
- That barista who always misspells my name on cups
- My ex David lurking on LinkedIn weekly
Every night I’d scribble down any “love-related” nonsense. Mostly it was crap like “Tuesday: John left me on read” and “Friday: David viewed my profile AGAIN – creep.” Midway through August? Absolute radio silence. Started wondering if the “shocking turn” meant I’d die alone with 12 cats.
The “Shocking Turn” Moment
August 23rd. Was sulking at the grocery store buying ice cream when my cart crashes into someone. Look up – it’s Mike, the guy I hooked up with at Sarah’s wedding last spring. He’s holding tulips (my favorite) and says “I was just texting you!” Shows me his phone – unsent message draft asking me out. Weird as hell because: A) Hadn’t spoken in months B) Sarah’s wedding was in Jersey and we’re now in Ohio C) Those exact tulip types were in my sad Virgo horoscope screenshot.
Ended up getting coffee. Spilled caramel macchiato on his shirt. He laughed instead of running away. Guess the stars weren’t totally full of shit? Still don’t believe in astrology though.
Closing Thoughts
By August 31st, my notebook looked like a madwoman’s diary:
- 6 pages of cringe dating fails
- 3 Mike dates circled in red sharpie
- “WTF???” doodled 20+ times
The actual “shock” wasn’t even romantic – it was realizing that sometimes random crap aligns if you pay attention. Still think horoscopes are vague as hell, but hell, at least I got free tulips out of it.
