So I was looking through my old notebooks from 2017 the other day, and I found this whole section I’d written about my love life. Man, what a mess that was. I figured, why not share it? Maybe someone out there is going through the same stuff.
How It All Started
Back in early 2017, I was dating this person, and things were just… off. We were arguing over the dumbest things. Like, I’m talking about arguments over who forgot to take out the trash turning into a two-hour fight. I remember thinking, “This can’t be normal.” I’m a Virgo, so I like things orderly, and my love life was the complete opposite of orderly. It was chaos.
I decided I needed to get a handle on it. So I did what I always do: I got a fresh notebook and a pen, and I started writing everything down. I’m not talking about feelings and poetry. I’m talking about cold, hard facts.
The Process of Figuring It Out
First, I made a list of all the big problems. I just brain-dumped everything onto the page.
- Problem 1: Constant nitpicking from both of us. Nothing was ever good enough.
- Problem 2: We never seemed to be on the same page about future plans.
- Problem 3: Communication was a disaster. We’d talk, but we weren’t really listening.
Seeing it all written down like that was a wake-up call. It wasn’t just one thing; it was a whole system failure. My Virgo brain needed to fix this system.
Next, I started looking for solutions. I didn’t go to some fancy expert. I just thought about what had worked in the past, for anything, not just relationships. The main thing that came to mind was scheduling. Sounds boring, I know, but hear me out.
I proposed we have a “weekly check-in.” Not a romantic date night, but a real, sit-down talk. Every Sunday evening, we’d talk for 30 minutes about how the week went, what bothered us, and what we appreciated. The rules were simple: no phones, no yelling, and we each get to talk without interruption.
Putting It Into Practice
The first check-in was awkward. Super awkward. We were both just staring at each other. But once we started, it was like a floodgate opened. We weren’t just fighting about the trash; we were fighting because we both felt unheard.
We kept at it. Some Sundays were better than others. Sometimes we’d still argue, but having that dedicated space meant we couldn’t just sweep things under the rug. We had to face them head-on.
I also started applying my own Virgo tendency for improvement to myself, not just to my partner. I made a list of things I could do better. For example, I realized I was criticizing small mistakes instead of acknowledging the big things they were doing right. So I made a conscious effort to say “thank you” more often.
How It Turned Out
It didn’t magically fix everything overnight. Relationships are hard work. But by the middle of 2017, things were noticeably better. The arguments were less frequent and less intense. We were actually listening to each other.
That relationship eventually ran its course later that year, but it ended on good terms. No huge blow-up fight. We both agreed we’d grown in different directions, and it was okay. The crazy part? We’re still friends today.
Looking back, the practice of writing it down and creating a simple structure was the key. It wasn’t about finding a magic solution from an expert. It was about creating a space to be honest and then actually doing the work, week after week. It’s a practice I’ve carried into other parts of my life since then.
