Okay so I read this thing online about Virgo-Virgo relationships being super chill cause we understand each other’s crazy. Sounded cool so I decided to test it. First I downloaded like five dating apps cause why not. Signed up with my real birthday – August 28th right there in my bio like a dork.
The Swiping Disaster
Filtered for Virgos only near me. Big mistake. Found twelve Virgo women in 50 miles. Started swiping right like crazy. Got three matches by Tuesday. This one lady’s profile screamed Virgo: spreadsheet screenshot of her meal prep calories, a bookshelf organized by color, caption said “you’re late if you’re 30 seconds early.” I felt seen.
The Awkward Coffee Date
Met Sarah at this bougie pour-over coffee spot. Got there exactly at 3:00 – not 2:59, not 3:01. Guess who arrived at 3:00 on the dot? She pulled out disinfectant wipes before touching the sugar dispenser. Our conversation went like:
- Me: “I color-code my Google Calendar.”
- Her: “RGB or CMYK system?”
- Me: “RGB obviously, who uses CMYK outside print shops?”
We high-fived. Then argued for twenty minutes about whether oat milk or almond milk pairs better with espresso. We created a scoring matrix in my notes app.
Home Depot Anxiety Attack
Third date we went to Home Depot cause she needed drawer organizers. Mistake number two. Spent forty minutes in the shelf liner aisle comparing grip textures. I got lightheaded by the solvent smells. She noticed immediately and made me sniff her eucalyptus hand sanitizer. We ended up sitting on patio furniture displays while she explained her air purifier specs till I stopped sweating. Felt weirdly romantic.
The Epic Collapse
Thought we’d last longer than the five weeks we did. Ended over towels. I folded mine lengthwise twice then thirds. She insisted diagonal origami folding was superior. We had a three-hour towel folding duel in her laundry room. Both refused to compromise. Next morning she sent me an Excel break-up chart with “communication metrics” and “compatibility percentages.” Most respectful ghosting ever though – she archived our shared Spotify playlist instead of deleting it.
Kinda Worth It?
Learned too much perfectionism is toxic but also… found someone who didn’t judge me for ironing socks. Still think Virgo-Virgo could work with looser standards. Probably just gonna date Libras now though. Less folding debates.
