So I woke up yesterday and thought, hey let’s see what my star sign’s got in store for my job this month. Grabbed my phone still half-asleep, typed “Virgo career horoscope UK” into Google. Saw this top result saying August was gonna be wild for Virgos like me.
Started reading it real slow while chewing toast crumbs off my keyboard. Horoscope said something like: “Mercury’s messing with your spreadsheets but Jupiter’s giving promotion vibes.” Made me snort my coffee. My boss hasn’t given anyone raises since Brexit!
Then it got specific about this week – said Wednesday was my magic day to ask for stuff. So I marched into Karen-from-HR’s office after lunch like a madman:
- Told her bout my extra project hours
- Showed customer praise emails
- Dropped Mercury retrograde jargon cause the horoscope said to
Welp. Karen blinked hard and just went, “We don’t do celestial pay rises Mark.” Whole thing tanked faster than crypto. Felt properly stupid walking out.
Thursday morning the stars promised “Unexpected income sources.” Got all excited till I realized my PayPal notification was just that £3 refund from ASOS. BIG cosmic letdown.
Now I’m sitting here with half a horoscope printed out as a coaster. Maybe I’ll listen next time Jupiter actually pays my gas bill. Or maybe horoscopes are like those diet tea scams – all shiny promises till you actually try ’em.
