Alright, so my friend kept bugging me about this week’s Virgo horoscope in Vogue. Said it predicted “unexpected career shifts” and something about Mercury messing with plans. Personally, I think it’s mostly fluff, but hey, I like writing stuff down. Figured, why not? Treat it like one of those weird social experiments. Here’s exactly what I did, step by freaking step.
Monday March 4th: Communication Breakdown?
Vogue says: “Misunderstandings loom large early in the week.” Okay. My Monday plan? Big team meet-up about this quarter’s targets. Boss loves these. Loads of slides, vague talk, zero action. Total snoozefest usually.
What I did:
- Woke up, skimmed the horoscope again. “Misunderstandings loom”? Ugh.
- Went to the meeting like a dumbass. Took notes. Pretended to care.
- Our lead dev, Dave, starts talking timelines. Project Manager, Brenda, cuts in talking budgets. They’re literally using the same words but meaning totally different things. Chaos.
- I just sat there. Counted the “synergies” and “going forwards” people dropped. Six synergies. Eleven going forwards. Vogue kinda nailed the “misunderstanding” vibe. Or maybe Brenda and Dave just never listen to each other. Who knows?
Wednesday March 6th: Mercury Strikes Back?
Vogue says: “Mercury’s influence urges you to double-check details.” Mercury doing whatever. Whatever. I hate spreadsheets. But I had invoicing to do.
What I did:
- Opened the damn spreadsheet. Coffee strong. Brain weak.
- Auto-piloted through the first few entries.
- Randomly remembered the horoscope. “Double-check”? Pfft. Fine.
- Went back. Line 17: Client invoice for $12,000? Typed as $1,200. Hell. Fixed it. Probably saved my accountant from having a meltdown next week. Mercury? Dumb luck? Maybe both.
Friday March 8th: The “Unexpected Shift” Arrives?
Vogue says: “Embrace unexpected career shifts that open new doors.” Ominous. Friday rolls around.
What happened:
- Getting coffee, minding my business.
- Jenna from Marketing corners me. She’s stressed. Big client presentation Monday. Key team member out sick.
- “Remember those reports you did?” she asks. “Need that eye for detail. Can you jump in?”
- It’s data visualization. I’m ok at it. Not my job. But… unexpected shift? Check. Opening a door? Maybe just to a weekend of work.
- I said yes. Mostly felt bad for Jenna looking like she’d cry. Zero mystique. Just workplace chaos.
Weekend Catch-Up & Reality Check
Sat down Sunday evening. Looked at the Vogue predictions again. Reviewed my notes.
- Monday: Confusion? Definitely happened. Horoscope adjacent? Sure.
Wednesday: Caught a screw-up? Yes. Did horoscope magically make me check? Nah. Annoying nudge I actually listened to for once.
Friday: Unexpected task? Yeah. Career-defining shift? Not even close. More like “Jenna owes me big time.”
Final Verdict? Coincidence mostly. You could probably twist any vaguely stressful work week to fit these predictions. It’s nonsense dressed up nice. But writing it all down was kinda fun. Reminded me that work is mostly just putting out fires, Vogue or no Vogue. And Jenna better bring me coffee tomorrow.
