So last night I’m scrolling through my old blog drafts and find this dusty title – “What does horoscope weekly virgo 2015 predict?” Total clickbait nonsense, right? But hey, I actually did this search back in the day. Here’s how it went down.
First I grabbed my laptop around midnight ’cause Virgo stuff always pops up when I’m overthinking. Typed “weekly virgo horoscope 2015” straight into Google. Big mistake. Got bombarded with:
- Ads screaming “UNLOCK YOUR FUTURE NOW!!”
- Sites asking for credit card “for personalized insights”
- One page that crashed my browser with pop-ups
Tried adding “free” to the search. Found some forum where people argued whether Mercury retrograde made their cats grumpy. Zero help.
Decided to check my dusty physical planner (remember those?). Scribbled in March 2015 was: “* – Virgo weekly 3/7”. Pulled up that site on Wayback Machine. Took forever loading… only to see:
“Your love life needs patience this week ♍”
Groundbreaking. Didn’t even specify if I should bother dating or just hug my cactus.
Dug deeper into archive sites. Found one expired blog called “ZodiacTruth2014” (already sus). Their 2015 Virgo prediction was literally: “Financial surprises await! Stay vigilant.” Like… is someone gifting me cash or mugging me? Thanks for nothing.
Then it hit me – these “predictions” all recycled the same garbage:
- “Focus on self-care”
- “Communication is key”
- “Expect unexpected news”
Could’ve been written for anyone born August to December. Total scam.
Finished by laughing at my own note below the planner entry: “Bought crystals. Still unemployed.” Proof horoscopes are just expensive fortune cookies.
