Alright let me walk you through how I cracked this Virgo men thing. See, I kept dating September Virgo guys without realizing the pattern. Total disaster zone. One dude cried over misplaced socks. Another spent 45 minutes debating the optimal way to stack dishwasher. My buddy Tom yelled at me for rearranging his desk organizer. Figured I needed some damn data.
The Spreadsheet Phase (Felt Like Forever)
Started keeping notes after every date or weird interaction. Met Paul online – September 5th birthday. Opened notes app right after our coffee date:
- Showed up 15 mins early. Sat stiff as a board checking his watch.
- Asked about recycling habits. Seriously?
- Corrected grammar. Twice. Dude, it’s Tinder chat not a dissertation.
Then met Dave – September 19th. Happened at Sarah’s BBQ:
- Brought his own plate and cutlery set. Wrapped in cloth napkin.
- Re-folded Sarah’s grill cover twice. It was windy, okay?
- Offered detailed feedback on charcuterie board layout. Suggested “more logical groupings.”
My notes app filled up fast. Added screenshots, texts where they nitpicked my punctuation. Started feeling like a detective on a bad reality show.
The Notebook Escalation
Spreadsheet wasn’t cutting it. Got myself a cheap spiral notebook – looked less crazy than whipping out my phone constantly. Started logging the really specific stuff:
- Mike (Sept 3rd): Color-coded MY spice rack during his 3rd visit. Did not ask. Just… did it.
- Robert (Sept 8th): Sent a 5-bullet point email analyzing why my Netflix queue was “inefficient.”
- Ben (Sept 17th): Got visibly stressed because pub trivia team name wasn’t “sufficiently thematic.”
Noticed a pattern hitting me in the face: Detail-Obsession. Like a job interview for everyday life.
The Breakdown & The Eureka Moment
Drowning in scribbles. Spent last Sunday dumping everything on my floor – coffee-stained napkins, notebook pages, phone screenshots. Grouped the absolute weirdest, most consistent stuff:
Top Five Painfully Obvious Virgo September Dude Traits
- Mess Detector 3000: Spots dust bunny from outer orbit. Comments. Corrects. Always.
- Order Sergeant: Everything needs a system. Your shelf? Wrong. Their solution? Mandatory.
- Overthink Express: “Should I text back?” becomes a 3-act Shakespeare drama.
- Critique Cannon: Unsolicited life advice wrapped in “logical suggestions.”
- Help Bot (Stuck on Repeat): Must fix. Must optimize. Even your perfectly fine pasta strainer setup.
Sat there surrounded by chaos – notes, crumbs, cold coffee. Hit me. That’s the clash. They see chaotic imperfection everywhere and feel biologically compelled to fix it. My messy life? It’s their Everest.
Stopped fighting it. Last guy (Mark, Sept 12th)? Told him upfront: “Dude, I see your Virgo-ness. Chill on folding my laundry.” He laughed. Genuinely. First time I didn’t get the eyebrow twitch. Baby steps.
