So last week I was cleaning out my old planner from 2018 – yeah, I keep those – and stumbled on this “Virgo Monthly Horoscope 2018 Key Dates for Love and Money Revealed” thing I printed back then. Thought it’d be funny to actually test how those predictions held up. Grabbed my coffee and got down to business.
The Setup
First, I dug up the actual dates they highlighted. Wrote ’em down like homework:
- Love dates: Jan 8 for “new connections,” March 22 for “passionate encounters,” July 12 “commitment talks”
- Money dates: Feb 17 “financial windfall,” May 3 “investment luck,” Oct 30 “career boost”
Then I cracked open my 2018 journals, emails, and bank statements. God knows I ain’t good with memory.
Playing Detective With My Own Life
January 8, 2018: Checked my journal. Wrote about fixing my leaky kitchen sink and hating my neighbor’s loud dog. Zero new connections. Unless you count the plumber’s invoice.
February 17: Scrolled through old bank apps. Paid rent and bought groceries. That was the “windfall.” Unless overdraft fees count as financial events.
March 22: Found a photo of me eating cold pizza alone at 11 PM while binge-watching Netflix. Real passionate.
May 3: My “investment”? Bought a $30 scratch-off ticket. Lost. Tossed the receipt in my “tax stuff” folder like a clown.
The Big Letdowns
July 12: Emails show me arguing with Comcast about billing errors. Closest thing to “commitment talks” was me telling them “I’m loyal but fix this damn bill.”
October 30: Actually got a meeting with my boss. Not a raise discussion though – he handed me extra paperwork for year-end reports. Thrilling “career boost.”
What Actually Went Down
Spoiler: life didn’t follow the horoscope script. On random Tuesdays with no astrological significance:
- Got a freelance gig April 5 (no date predicted)
- Met my now-partner at a laundromat June 17 (totally off their radar)
- Blew my tire and got a $200 repair bill September 3 (horoscope was silent)
Finished cross-checking everything and just laughed. Felt like matching constellations to spilled coffee stains. Waste of printer ink back in 2018, but a decent reality check now. Stars might be pretty, but my bank account and love life clearly didn’t get the memo.
